Hey, it turns out all that creepy sexist speculation at Princess Eugenie’s wedding over whether a slightly baggy jacket choice meant Meghan Markle was pregnant turned out to be true. But it’s still sexist and creepy so stop it. But yeah, Meghan and Harry are adding to the new generation of tax-subsidized royals, so congratulations. This baby will be seventh in line for the throne, assuming William and Kate stop at three. The pair are currently in Australia for their royal tour, which will also take them to Fiji and Tonga. Ah, the Commonwealth. That’s not outdated at all.
Okay, I’ll stop being a Scrooge for a bit. I’m sure some people are very happy at this news and the prospect of it infuriating Meghan’s shitty family members who seem to exist solely to make money from her name. Hell, even I’m entertained at the prospect of Samantha Markle throwing a hissy fit over this. And babies! People like babies, I suppose! It’s still kind of funny that so many people are excited for this new Royal offspring when they were all complaining — and rightly so — about having to pay for the wedding of a minor Royal last week.
But yeah, congratulations to the couple. I hope this news makes some people happy during these dark times (f—king Brexit), but you couldn’t pay me enough to take on the mantle of a woman whose entire existence is based on her clothes, her hair and her uterus.
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