What’s it like to be cool? Fuck, man, we will never know. Because we’ve never slapped on our best knit cap with our indoor sunglasses, rolled up our jeans like a fucking baller, slapped on some linen Toms like a goddamn boss and rolled through fucking Whole Foods like the coolest kid on the planet, Zac Efron. He’s living life in ways you can’t even comprehend, broseph.
“Man, I am just rolling up on this Kashi like it ain’t no thing and I am pretty much finding my oat-rolled bliss. Man.”
“Damn, I forgot shelled pistachios. Thank God I can get to that aisle exactly 2 mph faster than everyone else here. Life is so awesome when you’re Ef-running this bitch.”
“It’s like, do I want Nutella or do I want a more organic fair trade hazelnut spread? And isn’t that, like, a metaphor? For life? Fuck I’m deep. My still waters Ef-run deep.”
“Pose. Werk. Wet your lips. I MEAN UM WHATEVER, BRAH.”
“This board gets heavy sometimes. Like my feelings. I should totes hydrate with a sparkling tange water, yo.”
“Time for Effing-ron to make a muthahfuckin’ quiche. Peace, bitches. Namaste. I hope you all find your own grocery bliss. See you in Aisle ENLIGHTENMENT, maybe.”