Every single day (Every. Single. Day.) I get people coming up to me, “Courtney, we love Pajiba. It’s real swell. I am to understand it used to be a movie review site until you destroyed it. But what the people want, nay, what the people NEED, is posts about Kylie Jenner. This is an untapped well for us, and we crave it like a pregnant woman craves pickles.”
First, I’m not craving pickles. Check your not-pregnant privilege. And, people, if you want more Kardashian-Jenner family, I’m only happy to oblige. Please, stop sitting in protest outside my house demanding it.
Here’s the thing you need to know about youths. They’re kind of stupid. We’ve never been dumber, braver or more likely to try truly stupid things than as youths. Youths!
When I was a dumb teenager, I tried to wax my upper lip with scented candle wax. I wore two bras at once. I rubbed my lips with peppers because I thought that would make them big and supple instead of the laughably thin equal-sign lines my lips usually are (my lips = =). So would I have participated in the Kylie Jenner challenge? Goddamn probably. It’s important to know who you are and I know. I know.
First, I need to remember where I am. Kylie Jenner is the youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner brood, sister of Kim, Khloe, Kourtney and the other ones, and daughter of Kris and Bruce Jenner. She is not Kendall. Kendall is the employed one.
Kylie has become most well known for a few things: being 17 while dating a 25-year-old man and having very large lips. And a lot of questionable Instagram/Snapchat behavior that makes me uncomfortable, like, hands down her sister’s pants incesty type stuff that I’m not linking to because that’s how you get on lists. But the lips thing is the biggest. Literally. They are very big. She insists they’re entirely natural, and by natural I mean supplemented by lip liner—basically they’re not fillers or injections. Because she’s 17. But a Kardashian 17 is a different 17 than yours or I’s. Rules are different for their kind.
So when young, impressionable girls try to replicate these pillowy wonders, it doesn’t go great.
This is Kylie:
This is what she hath wrought:
I also saw a lot of really gross effed up failure lips with cuts and horrors. HuffPost has a guy who tried it and the glass exploded and cut his lips open and I can’t unsee it. Also, a literal child.
YOUTH OF THE WORLD. I implore you. Stop doing the things you are doing. It’s hurting the olds in the face.