After reading Kayleigh’s piece on Kanye telling Kim Kardashian-West what she can and cannot wear, I became intrigued by their $60 million mansion in Hidden Hills. Luckily for me, People has photos of the stark insides of their home.
Kanye’s influence is everywhere in the lack of anything, with cream-colored walls that match the pale wood floors and the curved furniture throughout. There is no artwork in any of the pictures the couple has shared on social media, none of the walls feature a color other than Mediocre White Woman Pale, and the master bathroom is one open space with an uncomfortable tub in the center.
Clearly, this home is hiding its true purpose: a prison and machine to harness the power of 13 ghosts within its walls.
If like me, you’ve seen the documentary 13 Ghosts (2001), then you know that the only reason to have an architecturally unique home is to hide a dark device that uses the energy of ghosts to show its master the past, present, and future. Kanye is that master and Kim has no clue what her husband hid within the walls of their home.
Replacing the glass panes etched with incantations to repel and imprison the ghosts are the secret ingredients used to create the one-of-a-kind plaster on every wall of the house. Reportedly from Belgium and immune to duplication, this magical plaster is surely embued with magical properties due to the use of cumin and perhaps some Oil of Abramelin to repel the spirits from interacting with the human inhabitants or escaping their confines.
The master bathroom has been described by some as puzzling, leading Kim to show followers on Instagram exactly how the sinks work. This is another clue as to the home’s true, sinister purpose, as puzzles are what allows the master to trick victims into sealing their own fate in the house. In the documentary, a lawyer grabbed some money and triggered a mechanism that locked the house and began the series of events to start the machine hidden within. Perhaps the master bathroom holds a similar prompt that releases the 12 ghosts currently in the mansion in preparation for the 13th ghost’s sacrifice.
I’m not saying that Kanye and Kim will sell their home in the next five years to a man named Wanye Kest, but I also would be Jack’s Lack of Surprise if they did. Next thing you know, Wanye Kest will pass away and leave the home to his estranged great-nephew, a widower with two children, that instantly moves into the house and sets into a motion a series of events that ends with the home imploding or ushering in a new age of Kanye rumination on Twitter that seem to be more spot-on than one would expect. And when that day comes, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.