On January 5th, Justin Timberlake will drop a new song. On February 2nd, he’ll drop his new album. Am I psychic? Fuck no! He released a very silly new promo to tease us with his sexy, woodsy authenticity. Take a look:
His new album, Man of the Woods, is inspired by his family and where he’s from — which, if you need a reminder, is Tennessee. It’s apparently a land of running horses, and elaborately constructed bonfires, and standing fully clothed in water with your arms spread wide open. And though it’s also the hub of the country music scene, this album doesn’t seem to be THAT inspired by where he’s from.
Now don’t get me wrong — I love some delicious Timberlake pop goodness. He did, after all, bring sexy back. And I’m already eagerly anticipating hearing his new stuff on heavy rotation, if only because it means radio stations might have to sacrifice some of their constant Imagine Dragons plays. But… c’mon, Justin. You lost me when you wandered through a corn field in a fancy button-down suit vest.
So in reaction to the inauthentic authenticity of new Earthy Justin Lumberlake, the Overlords started discussing what backwoods country shit we’ve done that we would bet actual money he never has.
- Build our own campfires
- Capsize a boat in a barely-thawed mountain lake, and have to swim to shore while fully dressed
- Get water from a handpump
- Use an outhouse
- Shit in the woods, sans-outhouse
- Sleep in a cabin with no electricity or running water
- Properly roll our own sleeping bag
- Live in a tent. Not camp — actually move into a tent for a few months, because why not?
- Skin a wild turkey
- Shoot a bow and arrow
- Ride horses bareback
- And of course, eat squirrel meat
Look, Justin: it’s OK not to be super country. You don’t have to eat a squirrel for us to take you seriously. We loved you when your hair looked like ramen, and we still love you. And faking that backwoods shit? That can go VERY WRONG.
Just be your sexy self.