Today, if the internet can pull its dick off of the Solange/Jay-Z/Beyoncé debacle (more on that later) you may hear that the LAPD is investigating Justin Bieber for attempted robbery. Of a girl’s cell phone. At the batting cages.

I mean, it starts Biebery and finishes the Bieberest, right?

That’s pretty much the story. The girl probably took pictures of him being terrible at hitting a ball, because if he can’t walk the Great Wall of China on his own, I don’t have much faith in his athletic abilities, and he freaked out and tried to take her phone like a little butt twerp, even reaching into her purse to get it like a real twat nugget.

Just when you think this kid has reached full douche, he takes it up several douche notches like a douche master, the likes of which we’ve never seen. What will he do next? Take a baby’s bottle and just throw it for laughs? He remains, as always, the bestworst.

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