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Jennifer Love Hewitt to Replace Mariska Hargitay on SVU?: More "No" Than You Can Shake a Stick At

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | May 17, 2011 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | May 17, 2011 |

Okay, we need to have a talk.

There are two important things necessary for this discussion. 1) I love Law & Order: SVU. Marathon days are like frequent gifts from a loving lord. 2) Jennifer Love Hewitt is just below Lea Michele on my “seriously? This bitch?” list.

Because Jennifer Love Hewitt is THE WORST.

I don’t handle the whole “fairy princess of Gumdrop Mountain” thing well. That is why Hewitt, Emmy Rossum and their ilk are on my constant shitlist. And Jennifer Love Hewitt is the sparkliest princess of the whole fucking candy kingdom.

My favorite example of this is so awfulsome I actually took a picture of it. This ran in my mom’s People Magazine last year.


And I quote, “He made a pizza for me with ‘love’ written in the middle of it in pepperoni. And we danced underneath palm trees that had little white lights on them. This is the best part—I said ‘we don’t have any music’ and he said ‘we don’t need music’.”

I’ll give you a moment to wipe the vom chunks off your now soured mouth.

That’s Jennifer Love Hewitt. The kind of girl who’d spout that bullshit as though it actually ever happened. The kind of girl who once dressed up as Audrey Hepburn and wandered around Tiffany’s with a croissant alone as a birthday present to herself. And she is first in line to replace Mariska Hargitay? The very definition of strong, kickass woman who will take no shit from anybody, man, woman or Ice T? Fuck. That. Shit.

Follow Courtney Enlow on Twitter.

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