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Jennifer Garner Won't Let Ben Affleck Be Friends with Kevin Smith, Which Is Fine Since Ben Affleck Won't Let Jennifer Garner Be Friends with Mark Ruffalo

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | July 29, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | July 29, 2014 |

Back in college, I had a friend a lot like Kevin Smith — who would say wildly inappropriate and offensive things without any provocation whatsoever — and while I loved the guy, many people didn’t understand his sense of humor, which is why sometimes I would bring dates over to his house if I didn’t want to date them anymore. Half an hour with Garrett, and she’d never want to see me again (and yes, if you’re asking, I was sometimes an asshole). Their loss, really, because Garrett was wicked smart, hilarious, and only offensive if you didn’t have the pop-cultural and literary context with which to understand his sense of humor (he’s an epidemiologist today, and given his profession, he probably has a wonderfully sick, morbid sense of humor).

He also busted balls, probably in a manner similar to the way that Kevin Smith used to bust Ben Affleck’s balls, which is what you do when you’ve been friends for a decade. You say shit that doesn’t typically fly in polite company. Sometimes, however, significant others don’t always understand that brand of humor. Take, for instance, Jennifer Garner, who did not appreciate it when Kevin Smith used to razz on her husband, as Smith tells the NYPost:

“Jennifer does not share the same sense of humor as me — she did not like my joke. I was picking on Ben Affleck making fun of him because I’ve known him for a really long time — I was talking smack — and Jennifer goes, ‘You know, if you keep saying stuff about him, I’m going to kick your a—.’ And she could — I’ve seen Alias. She has a real girly sense of humor and didn’t understand that I was kidding.

“I remember talking to Ben and being like, ‘I know your lady is not finding me amusing. Ben, I’ve known you for years, and you are far sicker than I am!’ His jokes are way dirtier than mine. He’s made jokes to me, and I’ve been like, ‘Ben, you need to go to church.’”

So, Ben and Kevin aren’t really friends anymore. But then again, Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner aren’t really friends anymore, either because maybe Ben Affleck didn’t want his wife hanging out with an amazingly good looking, sensitive, and interesting person. This, from Watch What Happens Live a couple of months ago:

“We had a great time together, and I think we would (have kept in touch), but then Ben [Affleck] came on the scene and that was the end of that,” said The Avengers star.

“I heard he doesn’t allow her to have male friends,” host Andy Cohen joked, before adding that he made that last part up. Ruffalo then called the end of his friendship with Garner “sad.

The irony here is that Jennifer Garner’s sense of humor probably aligns much better with Mark Ruffalo’s sense of humor, which is maybe why Ben Affleck didn’t want his wife hanging out with Mark Ruffalo. But then again, if I had to choose between hanging out with Kevin Smith and “hanging out” with Jennifer Garner, well, bros before hos only gets you so far, folks.

Also, is this high school? Since when did our significant others decide with whom we were allowed to hang out? Whatever happened to, “F**k you! I’ll hang out with who I want to hang out with”?

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.