Let’s get into the proper frame of mind here.
Four days ago, four bitter, terrible days ago, Jared Leto posted this on his Instagram:
Please. Stop getting pregnant from that photo. We have other work at hand.
The implication from his post and hashtag is that he soon intends to cut his perfect ombre locks, despite the fact that I’ve tried and failed to get his exact hairstyle for YEARS NOW, and he’s just going to throw it away? Like it’s nothing? Like it doesn’t even matter? THROW IT AWAY LIKE HE DID ANGELA CHASE? God, Catalano, you sonofabitch.
Anyway. Before the hair-eckoning, let’s look back on the locks that were.
Like, seriously, do you know how hard it is to get a good ombre? Mine looked terrible. I looked like there was a Ray J/Kim K. situation gone horribly, horribly wrong and had to cut it all off. YOU DON’T JUST GET RID OF THAT.
Jared Leto is 43 years old, guys. He’s 43 and #BLESSED with these follicles. Most men would kill. Most women would kill. I would definitely kill. I PAID $140 TO GET A SAD APPROXIMATION OF THIS.
EVEN EDDIE REDMAYNE APPROVES.
You know what it is? It’s shocking.
Bye, hair. There was really only ever one way to describe you properly.