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Behold, Your Chosen One

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | August 21, 2018 |

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | August 21, 2018 |


Hark, the Chosen One was been anointed at last. No longer shall you sup upon mulled wine and roasted meats, wondering aloud to your kinfolk, “When will the Chosen One arrive? My ground lays fallow, the harvest hasn’t yielded, and the hoarfrost is coming. When will the Chosen One come and bring with them the foretold splendor?”

Summer is beginning to wane, and we have all been preparing ourselves for another brutal winter of pitiful crops and cold ruthless nights. It was unexpected when the Soothsayer known as Kid Cudi, after years of postulating and false starts, anointed a one Jaden Christopher Syre Smith as the promised “Chosen One” after he passed the three tests laid out for him in our storied almanac, the publication known as VMan.

Test One: Timelessness (in Fashion)

The Soothsayer was merciless in his approach, beginning the ceremonial interview with perhaps the hardest feat to pass:

KC: Well, let’s get right to it! How do you approach fashion?

JS: I actually pull a lot of fashion inspiration from you. It’s a rock-and-roll vibe, with a lot of denim. I love flannels; you put me onto that. I like picking a time in history, or a kind of music, and I try to model my outfit after that.

Not just looking towards the future, but paying homage to the past demonstrates that Smith knows the only way to avoid the mistakes of his ancestors is to embrace their history. This is most likely why we have not seen him out in a Hypercolor shirt.

Test Two: Humility

Our Soothsayer is a wise and calculating man and knew that offering the opportunity to do an album would tempt younger, more blustering men to greedily agree to it before their time had come. The Chosen One was not rash but tempered in his response.

KC: Yeah, man! Maybe one day we’ll do an album, bro.

JS: Oh, stop playing, Cudi! I’ll have to get a few more albums under my belt. I’m going to have to grow—but that would be the biggest dream of mine.

By saving the collaboration for when he’s more experienced, Smith demonstrated that he believes the future to be one of prosperity and opportunity—qualities of a Chosen One, indeed.

The Final Test: Awareness

The Chosen One is to be a leader for our people, and good leaders must be able to think outside of themselves for the greater good. Would he pass the test?

KC: Now, tell me a bit about your quest for sustainability. When did you realize you wanted to advocate for the environment?

JS: I started surfing when I was really young. I learned how the ocean is alive, and has tides. Then, I learned about the environment and the ecosystem, and discovered we’re putting out so many CO2 emissions, creating plastic for agriculture and even for processed meats. We start to overheat the planet, melt ice caps, and water levels start to rise. It’s only getting worse.

Would his answer about environmental sustainability be enough to pass the Soothsayer’s final obstacle toward anointment?

KC: You’re the chosen one. I’m with you.


May the harvest be plentiful now that the Chosen One is here—he’s come a long way from proclaiming to the world that “you never learn anything in school.”

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Kate is a staff contributor. You can follow her on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Getty