Of all the baddest bitches that ever badded, few have badded in recent years as bad (badly?) as Lizzo. The self-proclaimed “bad fatty” has been snatching wigs since her 2013 debut album Lizzobangers. But it wasn’t until 2016 when her second LP, Coconut Oil, came out that a lot more people took notice. Instead of saying “who’s this bitch?” they began saying “she’s 100 percent THAT bitch” (a lyric from her 2017 single “Truth Hurts”). Name one other artist who can play the flute and then turn around and twerk in the same breath. If I sound like a geeked out Lizzo fanatic, it’s because I am. I’m a big old nerd for Lizzo (I even nominated her for last year’s Pajiba 10). I’m not only a huge fan of Lizzo’s music, I’m absolutely in love with what she represents for women, and that’s unqualified and unconditional self-love. What a concept!
Lizzo is about to break big this year. You heard it here 536nd. She just released a new single, “Tempo,” with none other than Missy Elliott. “Tempo” will be featured on her upcoming album Cuz I Love You, which debuts on April 19.
You made this chubby, weird, black girl believe that ANYTHING was possible. And now we have a BANGER together 😩— till this day you continue to inspire me to make my dreams come true. Now go fuck it up to the #TEMPO and STREAM OUR SONG!!!! 🔥🎸 Love You @MissyElliott 💋 pic.twitter.com/xTMbWt3lM6— |L I Z Z O| (@lizzo) March 20, 2019
Lizzo’s understandably excited about her collaboration with Missy, and is celebrating by hosting a “Tempo” dance contest. She’s asked her fans to send in a video of themselves doing their thang on the song, and two winners will be flown out to Coachella to dance with her on stage (yes, Lizzo has a coveted spot in the grand finale at the festival).
ATTENTION THICK BITCHES: IM TRYNA FLY YOU OUT TO COACHELLA!!! POST A DANCE VIDEO TO MY SONG ‘TEMPO’ w/ THE HASHTAG #FUCKITUPTOTHETEMPO & YOU CAN DANCE ON STAGE w/ ME AT COACHELLA! CONTEST GOES TILL APRIL 8TH! READY… SET… FUCK IT UPPPP pic.twitter.com/glk2t8woCv— |L I Z Z O| (@lizzo) March 23, 2019
Here are a few of my (and apparently Lizzo’s because she’s shared them) favorite contenders.
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THE #FUCKITUPTOTHETEMPO contest is coming closer and closer to an end! But that don’t mean it’s over me and @jemelmcwilliams WILL be choosing the two winners we fly out ASAP! So post ur videos w/ the hashtag #fuckituptothetempo and we will watch! Enjoy these submissions cus I shooo did
I can’t imagine how different my life might be if Lizzo had been around when my chubby little adolescent ass was growing up. Maybe not that different at all. Or maybe seeing a beautiful, fat, black woman have a good fucking time with her body and her intellect be celebrated in the mainstream might have alleviated just a little bit of the crushing self-doubt and shame about my own body and mind. Shit, I might be President right now! But I didn’t see anything like Lizzo in my formative years. But I sure as hell see her now. Lizzo’s success, is our success. Lest I navel gaze further, let me get to my point. What was my point? Oh yeah, my point is that Lizzo is still 100 percent that bitch, and if you want to be, so are you!
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