Okay, we’ve put it off long enough, so let’s get into this.
So, if you recall, Affleck had previously denied that this exceptionally hideous phoenix tattoo was real. Originally, he claimed it was for a movie, his own directorial effort Live By Night. Then we - or at least some people, going by box office receipts - actually saw the movie and lo and behold, no back tat shots. Was this just something he did to immerse himself further in the character? Even Daniel Day-Lewis never went that far. Batfleck is just that extreme.
Then we kept seeing peeks of the tattoo. And then he took a beach holiday and let it all hang out.
Ben Affleck’s back tattoo looks like it was ALSO directed by Zack Snyder pic.twitter.com/Nz3wK0bNZ7— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 19, 2018
I thought the whole point of being rich was that you had enough money to get good things? Isn’t Affleck wealthy enough at this point in his life to get a good midlife crisis tat? What’s the worth of all that sweet grimdark Batman money if you’re still at risk of body ink that looks like it should be spray-painted on the side of some stoner’s van?
Ben Affleck’s back tattoo is like if Lisa Frank had a darker childhood. pic.twitter.com/JPCZeZUDlb— Karen Howell (@karenehowell) March 18, 2018
The thing about a tattoo like this is that this isn’t something you can write off as a drunken mistake. This is work that took hours, and more likely than not required multiple sessions. He was lying on his stomach - or perched against a chair awkwardly - for HOURS getting this done.
When you realize the back tattoo is real and Ben Affleck was lying when he said it was for a movie. 😲 pic.twitter.com/gsRk9cJGqB— Anthony Dominic (@alloveranthony) March 18, 2018
Honestly, Ben Affleck just makes me feel a bit sad these days. There isn’t a strong enough ‘Oh honey no’ in the world to convey the choice that was made here. I kind of hope he stays on as Batman now, just for the mad Crossfit bro workout scene that shows off that back work. Was that what he wanted the tattoo to look like?
Perhaps the phoenix has special symbolism to him. Maybe he unabashedly loves his tattoo. I hope so, more power to BackTatFleck (I’m sticking to that, I don’t care how cheesy or laboured a joke it is). But dude, don’t deny you had this massive fuck off tattoo done once people start mocking it when it’s clearly stuck on you for life. Or until you get back to the laser removal guy.
I think final word must go to Jennifer Garner: ‘You know what we would say in my hometown about that? ‘Bless his heart. A phoenix rising from the ashes. Am I the ashes in this scenario? I take umbrage. I refuse to be the ashes.’
(Header photograph of Ben Affleck’s totally rad bro motorbike courtesy of Getty Images)