It’s hard to believe, but Practical Magic is nearly 20 years old. Well, maybe not, because nothing soothes the balm of the waking nightmare that is 2018 than reliving media from a time when we didn’t have a nasty festering sore that passes for a “person” as our Cheeto-in-Chief; and so there’s been a lot of articles out there looking back on Practical Magic. This is not one of them.
No friends, today I roll up my sleeves and dust off the tattered notebook I keep all of my deep thoughts regarding celebrities and slow cooker recipes to get to the bottom of the truth about Sandra “Sandy (…to her friends, which I am unfortunately not counted as one because of an unfortunate incident involving a potluck and that’s all you need to know about that)” Bullock and Halloween—primarily, what kind of candy will she be handing out this year?
So, here’s the deal about Sandra Bullock—she owns a lot of real estate and houses in Los Angeles, Austin, New Orleans, and others. So first, we have to deduct where she will be residing this time of year to help narrow down the regional favorites popular in that area. Due to privacy (and not wanting to be a total weirdo) issues, rather than do the usual due diligence of demanding Pajiba pay for all expenses in order for me to go to each location and poke around—we’re going to take a short cut here and assume that this Halloween she’ll be in Austin, Texas. Don’t question the logic. Just go with it.
So, Austin, Texas is the name of the game.
First, we need to deduce the basic humanity of Sandra Bullock, and determine if she’s a decent person, or if she’s the type of person to hand out tooth brushes, raisins, or religious pamphlets at Halloween.
There’s many ways to decide this—some are a bit archaic (Does she offer her guests bread and salt when they first come to her home?) and others not totally related (Does she share her prized recipe for peanut brittle if asked?) Ultimately I think we can tell the quality of character through a simple means test—how philanthropic is she? The answer is very.
So, now we know that she is most definitely the type to give out candy bars to trick or treaters. Most likely full-sized, too, as she’s a very generous person.
The research points us in the next direction—what is the most likely candidate for candy, here? Now we must investigate further…
Well, last year, the most popular Halloween candy in Texas were:
Starburst, followed by Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and Almond Joy.
Simple, right? We have our answer…
Not so fast, hot shot.
Sandra Bullock may live in Texas, but she was born in Virginia. The same source lists “Snickers, Runners Up: Hot Tamales, Candy Corn” as the preferred Halloween candy of choice for VA. Now, we’ve already established that Sandra Bullock is a decent person, so she won’t be handing out candy corn, because she knows that’s the Devil’s concoction. There is, however, a possibility that she would want to share something that she herself enjoys from her youth—and opt to hand out candy from the area she is from, originally.
[Note: to the true fans, yes, I realize that even though she was born in Virginia, she was raised in Germany. And if anyone could import Kinder Eggs into America to give them out, it would be Sandra Bullock. My research on this led to a dead end, and for our purposes, Virginia will have to do. I’ll update you next year if this changes.]
Think about it—let’s say she hands out a full-size package of Starbursts, and for whatever reason it was one that was entirely comprised of the worst color: yellow?
Friends, you don’t get to Hollywood royalty A-list by playing things to fate, and I’m all but certain Sandra Bullock would not allow an all-yellow Starburst package to be given out at Halloween, and potentially ruin a child’s evening.
No, when you look at all the contributing factors to this, there is only one clear choice as to the candy Sandra Bullock will be handing out this Halloween: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, full size package.
Are some people highly allergic to peanut butter? Yes—and again, Sandra Bullock is no fool. She can plan for this contingency, and make available an alternate option for nut allergies.
For all others? Friends—enjoy your treat, because clearly Sandra Bullock’s home is the one to beat this year for trick or treating. Your move, Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson. Will you up your game this year, or are you going to continue to give out fun-sized Kit Kats?!
Header Image Source: Getty