Dear Eloquents —
I know it’s been a rough week. I know that we have’t been able to provide you with the uplifting, inspirational content you need right. The GIFs have been light. We haven’t trashed True Detective once all week, and I’m not even sure we’ve deployed CapASS.
I know. You’re cranky. We’re cranky, too. It’s been a long week, and there are no decent new movies to talk about, TV is a wasteland (even Mr. Robot got pushed a week), and the only gossip-y bullshit going on in the world seems to involve the Duggars. We’re fighting it best we can, and we appreciate that you guys are hanging in there. We are sick to death of Trump, too. And we’ve just about exhausted Game of Thrones theories. And we also had some weird encoding issues that hopefully we’ve solved.
We can sense your irritation. We get it. We’re ready for Colbert to come back and for Trevor Noah to start, and Agents of SHIELD, and a few great shows like Fargo that we can talk about. Hopefully, on the gossip side of things, we can turn the page from Nanny Batfleck to some new and exciting celebrity scandal that will gleefully get your knickers in a twist. We want new things to consume and discuss. We’re drying for them right now. Thankfully, there’s at least several good movies we can look forward to in September.
And trust me: We want to excite you and thrill you and provoke your thoughts and offer you recommendations and tell you what not to watch and hang out with you. We love hanging out with you. I’ve been in the comments section more this week than most, in part because you guys are fantastic, and in part, because I’m looking for inspiration from you.
We love you guys, even when you’re telling to go sit on a fork, although when you do tell us to go sit on a fork, you should know that we do read that, and there are nicer ways to put that. I mean, spoons are probably more comfortable, for instance.
The corner will be turned. It’s like this at the end of every August. Bear with us, please.
In the meantime, here’s Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer dancing onstage with Billy Joel to “Uptown Girl.” It might take some of the cranks away. They pop in around the 2 minute mark, and it’s fantastic. I know you’re instinct will be to bitch about the position that the person recording this held her phone, because you’re in a mood. But try and hold that back, and simply appreciate this fine pop-culture moment for what it is.