It’s not just me, right? Every time Gwyneth Paltrow says something about herself, do you not find it even more ridiculously self-centered and out of touch than the last thing she said? It certainly can’t be only me that rereads whatever she’s said with renewed incredulity at the reflection-admiring narcissistic nonsense that can escape a single person’s brain — how is it even possible? What did her parents feed her? What part of her privileged upbringing was so lacking that she’s spent the majority of her adult life studying and being fascinated by herself? Will she ever wake up and look back, realizing how foolish she has sounded to the rest of the world, and be able to find even an ounce of humility somewhere inside herself? At this point, that’s about all we can hope for her. Because, I also think I can’t be the only one who feels sympathy for such a self-obsessed creature as the one who calls herself Gwyneth Paltrow, and runs a ridiculously out-of-touch web site with information on vagina steaming, the proper way to yawn, and Christmas lists for kazillionaires, all in the name of getting closer to herself. Yep, you read that correctly, and yes, there’s always more where that Goopism came from.
I really want to know who paid $599.00 to hear the Goopisms flowing directly from Paltrow’s mouth; the actress and author was a keynote speaker at this year’s Blogher conference in New York City Friday, and for a price, she spoke frankly about both her business and personal life.
Paltrow revealed that she started Goop to share with her friends only, but after they informed her nothing on these here interwebs is really private, she followed her friends’ suggestion to “put it out in newsletter form.” But, Gwyneth admits she did have one regret:
“I stupidly didn’t think larger when I was first doing it.”
Paltrow didn’t seem to realize what a huge following she’d cultivate; she just wanted to indulge her passions and get closer to someone very important:
“I’m very passionate about travel and health and wellness and food and trying to become a better person. I was using the website to get closer to myself in a way.”
I’m not certain exactly what she means by using Goop to get closer to herself, but if it has anything to do with vagina steaming, she may want to reclassify the site as “for adults only.”
For their money, Blogher15 attendees also got the inside Goopscoop on Paltrow’s difficult time co-parenting her children with Chris Martin. On the plus side, she’s not judging anyone else for the way they handle their families after divorce; on the unintentionally revelatory side, she seems to have mixed feelings about her ex:
“…it’s been hard, and you know, like, we’ve gone through really difficult times with it but we’ve always said these children are our priority. What that really means is, ‘Even though today, you hate me and you never want to see me again, like, we’re going to brunch, ‘cause it’s Sunday and that’s what we’ll do!’ You know, like, ‘That’s what’s happening! Like, the children are our commitment.
…we’re really good friends. I like him. He’s great. He’s a great dad and so, I feel lucky that we both, along the way, have been able to really put down our own stuff while we’re together with the family and that we make it a priority to be together so that the transition for the children wasn’t, you know, as brutal as it could be.
And everybody does it in their own way. It’s hard and I would never judge anyone for doing it any way. Just, for us, we thought if we could maintain the family even though we’re changing the shape of it, it would be, that would be our ideal scene and so, that’s what we’re trying to do.”
I do give Paltrow and Martin credit for pushing past whatever their feelings for each other may be, and putting the kids first.
Once again though, I balk at this idea Gwyneth seems to have of herself as just another businesswoman and single mom, as if we’re all supposed to forget she’s an award-winning, multi-million-dollar earning actress who has parties like this, and couldn’t figure out how to stretch a dollar on groceries if her life depended upon it.
“”It’s my whole day. I basically get my kids to school, and I go into the office, and it’s really my focus right now. It’s an actual real job.”
Okay, I’ll try to buy that you’re not answering calls from Robert Downey Jr. or Stella McCartney, in between making Christmas lists and getting your aura documented. But there’s no way you can be this deluded about who your Goopish followers are:
“…someone who wants to make her life easier. It doesn’t matter what the income is, but she’s a really engaged forward-thinking person, and she wants cutting edge information and interesting options.”
Er, I…uh. Yeah, I guess Goop readers and people in general want to make their lives easier. But, surprise! Her income probably does matter. Really engaged? Engaged in what, exactly? (Interestingly, maybe narcissicm.) The Hamptons? Hamptons style? Japanese decluttering? Perhaps you just want to own a pair of Jennifer Aniston’s old boots at the bargain basement price of $690.00, or Reese Witherspoon’s old tote for only $345.00! (Don’t worry Goop readers — your income doesn’t matter, and the proceeds all go to a kids’ charity group.)
I could go on, but that’s probably enough Gwyneth for one day, don’t we think? It’s not like she’ll never say something that makes us scratch our heads and reread again. Still, we should probably treasure these moments while we can, because Paltrow doesn’t want Goop to be associated with her forever (even if the site name is derived from her initials/nickname).
“I don’t want the brand to be inextricably linked to me. In 20 years, I want someone to say, ‘Didn’t you have something to do with that?’
Oh Gwyneth, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to forget.