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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are 'Consciously Uncoupling'

By Vivian Kane | Celebrity | March 25, 2014 |

By Vivian Kane | Celebrity | March 25, 2014 |

Gwyneth Paltrow announced today on her Lifestyes of the Obnoxiously Wealthy website, Goop, that she and Chris “Coldplay” Martin are “consciously uncoupling” or, as non-assholes call it, “breaking up.”

It is with hearts full of sadness that we have decided to separate. We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and coparent, we will be able to continue in the same manner.

Gwyneth & Chris

We all knew this could never last. They didn’t even have a good celebrity couple name. Martrow? Gwartin? Doomed to fail.

Vivian Kane hopes this means there will be a lot of Goop articles on solo vacations that she can’t afford.