Eminem To Netflix: Canceling 'The Punisher' is Fellatio
So the header image. Because comic books are absolutely insane — and I love/hate them for it — Eminem starred in a 2009 Punisher one-shot, where readers are expected to believe that Slim Shady could not only get the drop on Frank f*cking Castle, but also pistol-whip him into unconsciousness. At this time, I’d like to kindly submit this information as Exhibit A in why Eminem should stay eight billion miles away from The Punisher at all times.
Exhibit B: The song “Venom” from the official motion picture soundtrack for Venom.
Now that I’ve destroyed you all with an airtight case, here’s Eminem dragging Netflix for canceling The Punisher, which Ben Barnes — I’m sorry, RUSSO! — clearly enjoyed.
While the elitist in me wants to point out that, of course, Eminem and people who listen to Eminem love a Marvel character whose sole defining characteristic is shooting all of his problems in the f*cking face, the wonkish dork in me wants to talk about how… Eminem is actually right?
While a lot of people, myself included, have gone along with the narrative that the Marvel shows were canceled because of Disney+, there is emerging evidence that the actual issue really is Netflix blowing it. On top of The Punisher and Jessica Jones getting the ax this week, Friends From College was cancelled, and One Day At A Time is apparently hanging on by a thread. Turns out, Netflix is dropping buckets of cash and not getting nearly enough views in return. In their defense, the Marvel shows probably seemed like a slam dunk when they snatched up the license from Disney. According to Matthew Ball, the former head of strategy at Amazon Studios, the questionable quality of the Netflix-verse had trouble attracting eyeballs and holding onto the ones it roped in.
5/ With old, mediocre shows it's just about viewer retention each year— Matthew Ball (@ballmatthew) December 3, 2018
To point, Disney never put much effort in their Netflix shows. Daredevil had 3 showrunners in 3 seasons, Luke Cage was 2 in 2, Jessica Jones 2 in 3, etc.
(And the teased MCU integration never happened!!)
Also, if you’re expecting these shows/characters to pop up on Disney+ or the more recent rumblings about Hulu? Maybe don’t hold your breath on that.
To be super clear. The shows will not be revived on Disney+, Hulu, Amazon, etc— Matthew Ball (@ballmatthew) December 3, 2018
1/ Netflix would have blocking rights
2/ Netflix won't sell early seasons
3/ No one would want to drive their customers to Netflix for S1-3
4/ Characters are likely contractually hibernated for 1-2yrs
As for whether or not Eminem was privy to this information, he wrote a rap about Venom for the movie Venom where he literally just tosses in the word “venom” at random. You decide.
Header Image Source: Marvel
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- Spoilers: Digging into the Runes Throughout ‘Midsommar,’ What the Hell They All Mean, and the Easter Eggs Ari Aster Hid Throughout
- By Erasing Oasis for a Cheap Joke, ‘Yesterday’ Also Does One of Its Only Female Characters a Disservice
- Review: Tom Holland Is Perfect In 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Even as the Story Struggles
- On the Spectacular 'Evvie Drake Starts Over' and the Time NPR's Linda Holmes Twitter Shamed Me