If you’ve ever found yourself sitting alone in the twilight hours wondering if Meghan McCain is a worse conservative white lady than Elisabeth Hasselbeck, fantastic news, I have an answer. It’s goddamn Elisabeth, and by a country mile.
Amidst growing concerns around the coronavirus, ABC News thought it’d be awesome to invite Elisabeth back during the first audience-free taping of The View. If their plan was to watch her spew a geyser of such unparalleled dumb that it makes America’s favorite nepotistic chuck wagon look smarter by comparison, congratulations, it worked. You know how I sometimes pepper these posts with screengrabs of Joy Behar or Sunny Hostin making stern but clearly “You gotta be shitting me” faces while Meghan is one MY FATHER away from spinning her head around and covering the table in Jell-O vomit?
This time Meghan got to be the “What fresh f**k is this?” lady.
We’re through the looking glass, people.
As for what could possibly be so dumb that even the Karen particles in Meghan’s brain went, “Nope, that’s not right,” Elisabeth seems to think that Donald Trump is doing a jim-dandy job with the coronavirus, which is probably blown out of proportion, but hey, God’s looking out for us, so no big deal. Apparently, the Chinese didn’t pray hard enough because there’s that good ol’ evangelical racism that we’re supposed to get misty-eyed and call “Heartland values” or some shit.
Via Raw Story:
“There can be a fine line between what is precaution, right, what is taking precaution and what is panic,” Hasselbeck said. “So I think a lot of it has to be decided. Yes, we’re going to take precautions, we’re going to [use] Purell. Pray that God’s got us in our tomorrows, right, we pray that this coronavirus is extinguished, that it’s stopped in its tracks. I love the fact that we can identify that this is precautionary, right?”
“We’ve had affected cases, those are serious,” she added. “We’ve had deaths, those are serious. This is not to be taken lightly at all, but we shouldn’t be in a state of panic because what we’re doing, and taking cues from our president, is taking early, strong, bold actions to keep this at bay as much as we possibly can right now. We’re still on the front end of this. We’re on the very front end of this now, and I feel comfortable and confident that because of strong leadership.”
When asked what exactly that “strong leadership” is doing, Hasselbeck brought up that Trump has extended the deadline for filing taxes. Oh, well, f**k. Problem solved! Except not at all and Sunny was not here for it.
Via The Daily Beast:
“There are only 12 states plus D.C., you know, that have paid leave, and then you have one in four Americans that don’t have paid leave, especially low wage workers,” Hostin fired back. “They are going to work when they don’t feel well because it makes the difference for their family. So when you look at the response, Elisabeth, from this administration, it hasn’t been good. I don’t see real leadership.”
Here’s the amazing part that has me convinced I clearly died at some point and went to The Bad Place, for the past few weeks, Meghan has actually been on the right side of the coronavirus debate. She’s criticized Trump’s penchant for misinformation, and agreed with AOC that putting Mike Pence in charge of messaging is a breathtakingly ass-dumb move considering he personally caused one of the largest HIV outbreaks in Indiana. Granted, Meghan’s contribution to this discussion wasn’t particularly poignant and lightly waffled into some “both sides” bullshit, but overall, she agreed with the recommended precautions including self-quarantining and that the level of preparedness is warranted.
Unfortunately, Meghan’s decision to err towards logic and reason left the “White Lady Crown For Most Nonsensical Word Things” up for grabs, and baby, Elisabeth Hasselbeck sprinted right for that shit.
“I think that fear and isolation are tools of the enemy.”
Oh my f**king god. Just to be clear, “the enemy” is the Devil. Actual goddamn Satan. So what Hasselbeck literally just said here is that instructions from world health organizations to slow the spread of the coronavirus could be the bidding of a dark supernatural overlord, so you know, watch out for that. That’s what we’re up against in November.
So if you’re one of the idiots going around Twitter today asking for “one good reason” why you should vote for Joe Biden, does using science to stop a global pandemic instead of thoughts and prayers do anything for you? Because it probably should. Otherwise, you might as well just start walking around licking surfaces to save yourself the rush. I hear Boston is pretty tasty right now.
Header Image Source: The View/YouTube