Friends, the likelihood of what I’m about to share with you being true is pretty small, and yet, I very, very, very much want to live in a world where it is entirely accurate because it’s so deliciously dumb and pointless that it makes me smile. With that out of the way, I’m delighted (truly delighted) to share with you the information that pre-Meghan Markle (obviously) Prince Harry was super into Jennifer Aniston, and wanted to hook up with her, so he sent her text messages comprised of emojis. This is all courtesy of Radar Online, who circuitously got the info via the tabloid The Sunday Mirror, who published an article about an unauthorized biography of Prince Harry by a guy with the last name Halperin. So, totally on the level and legit, right?!
Here’s a pull quote from the Radar Online article, which makes me laugh:
Harry supposedly admired Aniston posing on GQ’s cover in 2009 wearing just a tie. Although he never landed a date, Halperin said, “Harry was infatuated with Jen for years. He told friends she was ‘princess material’. He visited LA and was partying heavily with models there.
“He told a close friend his favorite actress was Jen and got her number. He texted her and sent emojis. One source told me Jen was aware of Harry’s crush but didn’t want to lead him on because of the age difference.”
I mean, sure, who among us haven’t rejected Prince Harry for arbitrary reasons? He’s lucky Meghan wasn’t quick on her toes with an excuse, so she had to go out with him, otherwise a handsome prince with a fortune to his name could never find a love match. That’s how that works, right? (I mean, I told Harry that I was busy washing my hair when he texted me the Moyai emoji, all those years ago. Haven’t regretted it for an instant, since. I don’t look good in those fascinator hats all the Royal women seem to be required to wear.)
Anyway, probably my favorite part about the Radar Online article was how they chose to end it because it’s clear there was a minimum word count and were really grasping at straws to hit it:
Strangely, both Meghan and Aniston’s TV characters had the same name!
While Aniston’s most famous role was Rachel Green in Friends, Meghan played Rachel Zane on Suits.
LOL. Is it strange, or like, is Rachel a really common first name?
Far be it from me to ever cast dispersions on anyone’s attempt to dive deep into a conspiracy theory but even I know a reach when I see one. That, friends, was a massive reach.
Anyway, yes, this is all probably BS and never happened but I’m going to ignore conventional wisdom on this and choose to believe it to be true because life is a little more fun if it is.
I imagine this happened while Jen was tastefully dressed in a comfortable neutral palette, ensconced in her most luxurious cashmere throw, drinking a salted-rim margarita, and hanging out on her veranda with her very best girlfriends while they snacked on organic chips and guac. Their soft laughed tinkled like wind chimes when they solved the mystery of who the unknown number belonged to, the texts of which Jen surely passed her phone around in a circle to share with the group, and then went back to drinking their beverages and enjoying each other’s company because no one in that group needed the external validation of a prince to know that theirs was already a charmed life. That day, like all other days before and since, Jen would not suffer Harry’s company.
…and that’s how you end an article about Jennifer Aniston, friends. Bam!
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