David Hasselhoff has been plopped back into the pop culture consciousness with his role in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and that video I haven’t watched for “Guardian’s Inferno.” Can you believe it’s been ten years since The Hoff’s daughter took a video of him drunk off his chest hair, eating a cheeseburger? MEMORIES!

I digress. Hasselhoff has now given me a wonderful gift and that gift is the hubris of a washed-up actor.

“I have met Robert Rodriguez. He does Dusk til Dawn and Machete. And I said ‘You need to do Knight Rider.’ Because he was doing a marathon of Knight Riders and he said ‘Can we have a selfie!?’ And I said, ‘No, I don’t want a selfie! I want to do the movie! I want to shoot the TV series! I want to bring it back and make it dark! Michael Knight comes back and he’s pissed.’ … I hope it happens, and if it does, it’ll be kind of like Logan. It will be dark. Hasselhoff as Michael Knight in 2017. Knight Rider. The saga continues.” - Via CinemaBlend

Holy god, Hoff. Are you drunk again, sir? You want to make a Knight Rider movie (which we may actually get, but clearly as a comedy that stars John Cena and Kevin Hart) in the same vein as the gorgeously brutal Logan???

You, sir, are no Old Man Logan. And no young X-23. And no elderly Professor X. I hate to be the one to tell you, but no one is looking to the Hoff for drama. Enjoy your cult status and just — just no. But tell Spongebob I said hello.

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

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