Did you know there are websites dedicated to the children of celebrities? Of course you do. It’s not surprising at all. And other than the fact that fact-checking this probably put me on a law enforcement watchlist, we can also agree how deeply troubling is the whole tabloid subindustry dedicated to the children of celebrities (that includes royals). Call me a radical, but I believe minors shouldn’t be given that kind of exposure because of who their parents are, even when said parents are deliberately shoving them into the public sphere, trying to make a dynasty happen. What’s the rush? They have their entire adulthoods ahead of them to model for fashion campaigns or star in the type of indies that don’t get picked up by A24.
However, there is something I, and most of the internet, can never get enough of, and that is adorable animals. But funnily enough, I haven’t found websites dedicated to the pets of celebrities. There are plenty of articles, but goddammit, that’s not enough. I am a Millennial, and at least a fifth of us (citation needed) are not looking forward to having children at all, but we are, or want to become, parents to furbabies. Why only celebrities with human kids are treated to glossy, aspirational spreads? We deserve to be catered to, too!
There is one advantage to keeping up with the pets of celebrities, and it’s the fact that it is not exploitative. Because, you know, they’re pets, so they are blissfully unaware of the world outside their humans. As long as you care for them, cuddle and keep them warm, their lives are perfect. No one is going to fat shame them. No one is going to compare their appearance to their parents to see if they got the good nose. And they’ll never have to deal with the nagging insecurity of whether their career is due to nepotism. Also, pets are used to having pictures taken of them by fawning parents all day long, the paparazzi ain’t a thing.
You probably know some celebrity pets. As with everything social media, they have their own A-list, including the likes of Dodger Evans, Petunia Tendler-Mulaney, Finn Seyfried, Sunny and the late Bo Obama or, never forget, whatever exotic species Justin Bieber adopted, posed on Instagram with for a few posts, and then abandoned a month later. These are always mentioned in articles like this, so I decided to give a shout-out to some equally adorable good girls and boys that you might not know about, whose humans are celebrities selected straight from some of the faves of Pajiba’s readers.
OK, some are not so much celebrities as they are people in the public sphere, but you get the point. I must warn you, I will be projecting human traits on them. That’s just how it is.
Soledad O’Brien’s Coco:
When she is not teaching the entirety of US Media how you’re supposed to do journalism, Soledad O’Brien balances her timeline with pictures of her beautiful, foster-to-adopted girl Coco. This girl, in particular, is gifted with a pensive stare, which reminds me of the “Wells for Boys” SNL sketch:
Whew I love this doggie so much. pic.twitter.com/qKGLjAt9T0— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) March 13, 2021
Coco! ❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/WTlrThehuT— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) March 29, 2021
Snuggly Coco. pic.twitter.com/IedaruymGz— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) January 19, 2021
She recently got herself a mini-me brother, Teddy, who like her, also came to their lives as a foster.
Coco and Teddy ❤️. The Foster Fails. pic.twitter.com/Y8vJB2nTWj— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) May 6, 2021
The always hilarious sight of a puppy doing a charm offensive on an older dog.
Buddies ❤️ pic.twitter.com/uw8fHoQKN8— Soledad O'Brien (@soledadobrien) April 26, 2021
Iggy Pop’s cockatoo:
Did you know that cockatoos’ intelligence is such that they can develop beat induction? This is a fancy way of saying that they can actually dance to the rhythm of musical sounds, which is a major cognitive skill. And when your dad is none other than Iggy Pop, there is a dancing legacy to uphold.
Eleanor Tomlinson’s Bertie
You might know Eleanor Tomlinson from playing Demelza in Poldark and more recently, as the singing Touched Mary (#RIP) in The Nevers. In a case of pets looking like their humans, her border collie Bert not only matches her lovely hair but has major theater kid energy:
Here he is perfectly following stage directions:
Here he is serving lewks alongside his mum (second photo onwards)
And of course, this pup was right back in 2017.
Dana Schwartz’s Beetlejuice.
Here for some cat representation, we have Beetlejuice, whose mom you know from acclaimed books, acclaimed podcasts on royalty and acclaimed dunking on literary bros. I don’t know much about cats, they intimidate me a bit, but Beetlejuice looks like an actual plushie and less like a tiny tiger.
Aya Cash’s Lucy
When your mother is one of the best Millennial actresses out there, you’re bound to end up dancing to Hamilton, that’s how it goes, girl, I don’t make the rules.
Glenn Close’s Pip
We wrap up with a legend. Pip is a Havanese that simply radiates only-child energy. And sure, he has a human sister, but when you are the baby sibling, that means you’re pretty much an only child.
Header Image Source: David McNew/Getty Images