Last month I covered the news that BTS were going on a hiatus, which I naturally linked to one of the portents of a boyband’s imminent doom.
As a result, I was inundated with over a weeks’ worth of polite-but-aggressive firmly worded rebukes toward my theory that there is a correct way for a boyband to break up, and that BTS was not following the protocol.
Now, some may want me to eat my words here, as BTS’ management group has announced that they’re back, baby! The hiatus is over, and their fans are probably stoked? I don’t know, they don’t really like me, man. (I came to be very well-acquainted with a platoon of the BTS Amry because many of them called for my accreditation to journalism school, due to the quality of my research in the previous article. I will state this for the record: You can see my qualifications for my journalism by going to the Reseda Jack in the Box in the San Fernando Valley and looking under the table of the second booth from the back. My qualifications are carved underneath the table, as all graduates of Billy Billy’s School for Writing Good are. That booth is both our registrar’s office and a nice place to enjoy some $1 tacos. So, we can put that matter to rest now.)
In a statement published by the South Korean news agency Yonhap, the group’s management, Big Hit Entertainment, said: “Wrapping up its extended vacation, BTS departed overseas this morning for an engagement abroad.”
Big Hit Entertainment, which didn’t respond to CNN’s request for comment, didn’t disclose where the seven-strong group were headed, but there was speculation in the Korean media that they were off to film a reality TV show.
OK—so I imagine I’m going to get some flack here but when has that ever stopped me from divulging the truth?
Friends, I don’t buy any of this for a damn second. First, you go on a break, but only for a month, then you announce the band is back, but don’t say where they’re going.
If this doesn’t smack of a cloning conspiracy and/or finding a way to rip the fabric of time and space apart to find alternate dimension versions of the same people, I don’t know what does.
Personally, I believe that Big Hit Entertainment (which is an anagram of Bit Hig Entertainment, yes, I did my homework here) is up to something. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that this dimension’s BTS have broken up, but Big Hit has been prepared for this inevitability and spent time and money getting their alternate reality machine ready for this day.
A month’s allowed for our reality’s BTS to go on “hiatus” while another reality’s BTS was stolen from its timeline and brought to our timeline. That way, if any of the members come here looking a bit different, it will be less noticeable.
Now, the tragic part is that there’s no longer a need for a broken up BTS, so what will Big Hit do with them?
Leave them in the alternate timeline, obviously. It happens all the …time.
Well. There you have it, the real story of BTS, their breakup, and the new alternate dimension BTS in their stead. I hope you have a happy Monday!
Header Image Source: Getty