In a moment of sheer stupidity, when I was setting up my news alerts on my iPad, I inexplicably chose the trashiest of publications to follow. That’s not the dumb or surprising thing. The thing about trash rags is that they put out push notifications constantly, and I am at their whim and mercy because every time the screen goes bright, like a ding dong, I look to see what new notification I have. I feel like I’m doing it constantly. That was the stupid move on my part.
This week People, Daily Mail (don’t judge…or judge, I deserve that) and others have all been breathlessly alight with news on Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk’s break up, and today I got one about how his relationship with Lady Gaga probably contributed to said breakup.
I am nothing if not completely and utterly cynical when it comes to celebrity relationships in the public eye. I truly believe that there are contracts between these people to “date” and many of them are quietly dating their true partners behind the scenes and off the red carpet. So, it’s my (unproven and unfounded) belief that Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga’s camps are probably negotiating the contract for them to “date,” and all these articles are plants to test the water for the potential pairing and to get people amped up for it.
It seems like it’s working.
So here’s today’s latest headline from People: Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga Romance Rumors ‘Didn’t Help’ His Relationship to Ex Irina Shayk
Here’s the quote from the “insider” in the piece who most definitely isn’t still upset he didn’t get a Best Actor award this year:
“The rumors about Bradley and Gaga having a love affair didn’t help especially with his constant travels [promoting the film],” says the source.
The insider adds, “He has a huge and overwhelming connection to Gaga but whether it becomes a real love story in their lives for all the world to see is premature, and it’s difficult to speculate at this sensitive time.”
Bradley Sorry, I mean the “inside source” continued:
“Since Bradley and Irina have always been very private about their relationship few knew there was really for sure something going on,” the source added.
I just … don’t care. Do you? Search your heart, and you’ll probably find the same result. Does this mean I’m old and no longer enjoy mindless celebrity gossip or is this potential pairing just really, really, really boring?
We are long past the golden age of celebrity couples being interesting. This is not an Angelina Jolie with Billy Bob Thornton’s blood in a vial around her neck pairing. These are two super sanitized (when was the last time you saw Gaga wear a meat dress?!) celebrities who are probably going to hook up to get on the cover of magazines and may collaborate together again to sell further tickets in the future.
There is nothing interesting about the two of them together, in my opinion. It’s not like the leaks getting out about them are compelling. No ancient warlock foretold this happening to bring about world peace so they’re doing it for the greater good; or a near death experience on a rocket to the moon for rich people brought them together because life is fleeting and no one but them understands what it’s like to encounter an alien being who wants to kill you so far from the earth.
This is just blatant consumerism and kind of sad once you realize that Cooper and Shayk have a child together, and it sucks to have your parents break up regardless of whether theirs was a love match to begin with.
If it weren’t a PR-driven play we probably wouldn’t be hearing about the nuances of Cooper’s breakup, or the role Lady Gaga played in their relationship, in People. Remember, People is the most celeb friendly of publications. There is no way something gets published there without it being vetted through the celeb’s camp to verify its accuracy. Publishing unfounded rumors as fact is just not their bag.
So, like, I guess it poses the question: If B. Coop and Gaga get together, but we don’t really care, does it really happen? We’re about to find out.
Also, it may just be me who doesn’t care. I just wish we could go back to a time of bananas celeb pairings (remember, Cher dated Tom Cruise!!) and Lady Gaga wearing a dress comprised of Kermit dolls. I miss those days.