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Blink Reactions to Adrien Grenier's Douchey Interview with 'New York Magazine' About Straws and Whales

By The Pajiba Staff | Celebrity | September 13, 2016 |

By The Pajiba Staff | Celebrity | September 13, 2016 |

New York Magazine published an interview this morning entitled, “Adrian Grenier Lives Every Day Like He’s at Burning Man.” The interview is exactly like you’d imagine based on the title. He’s there ostensibly to promote the Lonely Whale Foundation, which he co-founded with Sting’s daughter-in-law, Lucy Sumner. Lonely Whale recently embarked on a campaign to reduce the use of straws.

Here’s a few select quotes from the interview, and reactions from various staff members:

“We consume 500 million straws each day. The equivalent of 127 school buses filled with straws. It’s disgusting, ” Adrian Grenier declares the minute I sit down, brandishing a plastic straw that the waiter had forgotten to remove. “There should be children in those school buses, going to school, to learn, not straws,” he adds, wryly.

Does Adrien think there are actual straws in school buses? What’s happening here? — Rebecca

Well it better not have been a straw seed. Because if there’s one thing worse than straws trying to use school buses to get to school to learn, it’s straws sprouting from the ground trying to be trees. — Petr

Oh fuck off, Adrien. — TK

Very slow blink. — Genevieve

Finally! Someone who’s not afraid to go up against the strawbus lobby! I’m with you Adrien!!!!!?!!!!!! — Lord Castleton

It’s only through grassroots organizing and my private army of whales that we’ll someday take down Big Straw. — TK

No, I don’t want no straws / a straw is a thing that can’t get no love from me. — Rebecca

Piled in the passenger side / of a school bus ride / looking bright and bendy. — Brian B.

“It’s fascinating to see this story because of our relationship to whales historically, and what they mean to us symbolically,” Grenier explained. “Whales are the keeper of wisdom.”

They are also the keepers of the flame, because whales were once slaughtered for their oil. — Brian B.

A whale once told me I’d work with a turtle and get far more praise than I ever should on a middling, terrible show based on Marky Mark’s life. And that whale’s name? Francis Ford Coppola. — Jodi

Whales just swim and eat and fuck and poop, dude. Fuck off. — TK

Which, to be fair, is a bit more than Adrian Grenier does. — Petr

He’s like the Diet Rite of Jaden Smiths. — Courtney

Whenever someone asks me a hard question I always tell them the same thing: go ask a whale. — Lord Castleton

Grenier orders me a mezcal soda, his drink of choice. “No straw, no fruit,” he tells the waiter. I don’t have the chance to find out what’s so harmful about lime wedges before he turns to look at me, fixing me with the same penetrating gaze that rendered so many beautiful women powerless over the course of Entourage’s eight seasons and a movie. “He might forget, or the guy at the bar may forget, so you have barriers to success,” he explains. “But now we’ve planted a seed, and he’s going to think about that.”

“If every kid took one of those straws, and used it to sip knowledge instead of sugary mezcal sodas designed to rot the mind, imagine how great this country could be? Straws in mezcal drinks are the last straw” — Brian B.

I’m surprised Grenier didn’t just order a single plum floating in perfume and served in a man’s hat. — Brian R.

I ask Grenier how he defines himself nowadays. He says he doesn’t like the word environmentalist, because it sounds too radical. “I’m a guy who cares about people,” he says. “Acting is my day job, but at night, I get to be a superhero. There are superheroes, people who fly or have all these extraterrestrial powers or supernatural abilities. Everybody can be a superhero every day by doing very simple things. Change the world.”

Like I did in James Cameron’s Aquaman, currently the no. 1 highest grossing fictional blockbuster ever (adjusted for inflation). — Brian B.

Word Adrien Grenier is uncomfortable calling himself: “environmentalist.”
Word Adrien Grenier is perfectly comfortable calling himself: “superhero.” — Emily

If you take anything from this, please let it be that super-powered humans exist and can defy the laws of gravity while eschewing the use of straws. — Jodi

Is this his way of letting Hollywood know that he wants to play Captain Planet? Because I’m sorry to tell him this (not really), but Don Cheadle has that role on lock! — Brian R.

I’m glad he’s into helping the planet, but does he have to be such a pill about it? No, really, fuck off. — TK

Grenier speaks like a guy who just got back from Burning Man for the first time, which it turns out he did, and he is eager to discuss his experience. “It’s a bunch of people who are open, available to connect, and artistic, and are all conspiring to make the most amazing piece of art, which is everybody collaborating,” he says. “It’s fantastic.”

I observe that one of the biggest problems with people I know who go to Burning Man is that they never stop talking about it.

“It’s like, could you imagine having discovered America?” he says. “Would you stop talking about that? It’s like, I went to this new land. There’s nothing like it. And that’s the thing. It’s captivating, because it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. And I’m worldly, I’ve been around the world. And it happens to reflect the value system that I agree with.”

How… how did Adrien Grenier think this interview would make him look, exactly? Is he THAT un-self-aware? — Rebecca

How many drugs is he on in this moment? Non-straw drugs, of course. Sold to him by a wise whale. — Jodi

This man has been in a movie with Meryl Streep. — Rebecca

“I pioneered Williamsburg,” says Grenier. “It got so gentrified that I had to come to Bushwick. I lived two blocks away, and then this place opened, and I couldn’t afford to live in this neighborhood,” he says, gesturing around Roberta’s, which opened in 2008. “We used to have to walk three miles backward in the snow for a cup of coffee when we lived here. Now there’s, like, baristas and cold brew.”


He pioneered Williamsburg? WGAF. I pioneered Busch Gardens, son. — Brian B.

Other things I pioneered: misogyny, teaching Americans to scoff and say “yeah right” while watching TV, and the War on Limes. We used to have to walk backwards in the snow to tell a waiter ‘no limes!’ Now we just stick a straw through them and drop them on the floor. — Lord Castleton

— Overall Observations:

I liked you better when you were the simpering idiot boyfriend in Devil Wears Prada, you pretentious prick. Fuck off forever. — TK

I don’t know how to react to any of these without pantomiming douching with a bong. — Courtney

Wasn’t Leonardo DiCaprio saying this kind of shit like 10 years ago before he learned to stop giving interviews? Maybe someone should tip Grenier off to that little trick. — Genevieve

Every time I read about Adrien Grenier all I can think of is that rumor floating around a few years back that he has the world’s smelliest penis. — Rebecca

This interview confirms that rumor. — Jodi

Picture this: You’re riding a whale on top of a plastic strawbus filled with little kids going to school. And the kids are like ‘what’s America, Adrien?’ And I’m like whoa! Ask the whale, kids. I don’t have answers, y’know? I’m just a superhero.” — Lord Castleton

How much shit is Vince speaking here?



/gets smacked by a wave and loses sunglasses — Brian B.


Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.