Bill Cosby Is Having a Blast in Prison, Oh Good

By Mike Redmond | Celebrity | February 14, 2019 |

By Mike Redmond | Celebrity | February 14, 2019 |

Before we begin, let me just make it clear that I’m absolutely onboard with prison reform. America has a soul-crushing, labyrinthian penal system that has no problem grinding human lives into revenue streams because some dickhead thought it’d be great to privatize prisons. In the most scientific of terms, our shit is all f*cked up and stupid.

That said, I think we can all agree that Bill Cosby probably shouldn’t be strolling around gen pop like a goddamn king and telling local news stations that he’s having an “amazing” time in prison. Which is exactly what happened when his spokesman Andrew Wyatt gave a two-part interview to NBC 10 Philadelphia.

Via Vulture (Emphasis mine.):

Because Cosby faces challenges as an older inmate who’s said to be visually impaired, he’s reportedly assisted with daily activities by fellow inmates. Wyatt said Cosby has befriended prison staff and that many inmates applaud when he enters the visitor’s room. Otherwise, Cosby eats, sleeps, and exercises alone. He wakes up early and observes a special dietary plan that avoids sweets and bread. He’s also reportedly lost weight and has stopped drinking coffee.

Jesus Christ. Next you’re going to tell me he’s treating it like a writer’s retreat.

Cosby works to develop show ideas from behind bars, according to his lawyer. Much of the direction comes from his wife, Camille Cosby.

“He’s mentally strong,” Wyatt said. “He’s just a strong man.”

Motherfu… Excuse me while I clench my fists until the end of time.

The important thing is that Cosby is behind bars and presumably reflecting on why he’s ther— what’s that? He’s not remorseful at all because he still maintains he did nothing wrong and now he’s issuing statements where he literally compares himself to Nelson Mandela?

Awesome. Awesome stuff. The world is a toilet.

I heard about Ms. Coleman’s (NBC 10) interview from the residents here. Here’s why I, [Mr. Cosby] have “no” remorse and will never have remorse. I was given a deal; I settled out of court for $3.8 million dollars; I waived my 5th amendment rights; I was declared Not Guilty in 2005 by the Commonwealth - never charged. However, a low-life District Attorney and a corrupt Judge needed me Guilty now. Not for justice, but for their political aspirations. They say, Mr. Cosby you must attend these classes. Why? One word. Entrapment! My political beliefs, my actions of trying to humanize all races, genders and religions landed me in this place surrounded by barb wire fencing, a room made of steel and iron. So, I now have a temporary residence that resembles the quarters of some of the Greatest Political Prisoners - Martin Luther King, Jr., Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Randal Robinson, and Dr. Benjamin Chavis. I stand upright as a Political Prisoner and I Smile. The Truth is Strong!”

Bill Cosby

I’m not going to mince words here. Dude, you landed yourself in prison because you raped women. Full stop. The only thing political about your incarceration is that it should’ve happened the first f*cking time, but at least now there’s a way better chance that you’ll die there. Feel free to get started on that.

Mike Redmond