At the Oscars on Sunday night, Gossip Jesus delivered us all an early Christmas gift in the form of a Bennifer reunion. Ben Affleck, who would NOT have pulled this shit if Jennifer Garner had been present, was seen whispering to his ex-fiancee Jennifer Lopez. And this wasn’t by the likes of InTouch Weekly or some other gossip rag—this comes straight from the Associated Press.
After “Citizenfour” was crowned best documentary, Ben Affleck went over to Jennifer Lopez during a commercial break and whispered something to her. His words prompted the “American Idol” judge to playfully smack the “Gone Girl” star — and her famous ex — across his arm.
Somewhere Sydney Bristow is polishing up her kicking boots because she did not birth 15 of his babies for him to go whispering to his still-hot ex at the Oscars. But what could he have said? LET US DO WHAT WE DO BEST. Let’s speculate wildly!
“It’s turkey time. Gobble gobble.”
“Hey girl, I got you a first-edition copy of The Iliad.”
“Jen. Jen. Jen. You know, you know what Oscars are shaped like? Jen? Jen. Do you—do you know what Oscars are sha—A DICK! THEY’RE SHAPED LIKE A DICK KIND OF.”
“So, your ex-husband—is he a vampire? I’m pretty sure he’s a vampire.”
“Clooney’s wife didn’t laugh at my jokes either.”
“Jenjenjenjenjenjen did you see my movie did you see my movie did you see my movie MY DICK?”
“Everyone gives Matt all the Good Will Hunting credit still even though I’ve proved that I’m a capable and talented director and actor and father and and and DICKS! HAHAHAHA.” (In my mind, Affleck talks about dicks a lot. It’s headcanon.)
“My wife would literally strangle me with her own leg if she knew I was talking to you. Literally. She’s done it before.”
“The fuck is with this lockbox runner? Poor Octavia.”
“Dude, Jersey Girl was actually a totally serviceable movie.”