So, remember the Teen Mom, the one who had all the plastic surgery and, when that wasn’t rakin’ in the bacon quite like she’d hoped, she made a sex tape with porn star James Deen and pretended “oh weird oops this was totally real and leaked you guys”? Well, she is still a person apparently. Good for her. Because of that, sometimes people interview her. And, I tell you what, if they all gave interview this good, I would wish for a million more wishes and all those wishes would be “bring back Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and every other useless we wished to the cornfield” because they would infinitely raise their stock just by speaking this kind of wonderful stupid.
In an interview with the Miami New Times, Farrah Abraham (you may know her as Backdoor Teen Mom because the hair on your palms makes Jesus cry), who is promoting some manner of new strip club, showed what an articulate, thoughtful specimen she truly is. Her words will echo in the halls of womanity from here to eternity, her song forever to stay on our minds (like Windsong).
Now that you’ve made a million dollars on your sex tape —
How do you plan to spend the money?
I plan on being smart, investing, having other products come out, opening up my restaurants and retail stores. You know what? I’m an entrepreneur. Many people know this about me, besides the blogs and gossip or whatever. I’ve gone to school, and I continue getting my education in accounting auditing, right now in New York. So I’m finishing all this, but I plan doing all this and bars, and maybe gentleman’s clubs. And the mom side of me wants to do a children’s clothing store. I like chic fashion myself, and I just wanna share that. So those are the sort of things I’m dabbling in, and building my empire.
[she then drops her quality bullshit story about how her “boyfriend” leaked her tape, even though said boyfriend is on record as saying they only even met to make this tape, which is fine, GIRL, OWN YOUR PORN STARNESS.]
It sounds pretty shitty that he went behind your back and leaked your personal tape. Do you consider yourself a feminist?
I’m pretty feminine. I think so.
Not feminine — feminist.
What does that mean, you’re a lesbian or something?
No, that’s not what I’m asking at all.
What context are you saying it in?
It’s a complicated concept, but I guess at it’s most basic, it means that women are equal to men.
Oh, I definitely feel that women are equal to men. No doubt about that. I mean women should have equal rights to men, every day.
Every day, guys.
Then she got mad that they weren’t talking enough about strip clubz and hung up.
Like…look. I don’t like that all these dumdums are millionaires for being worthless, especially when they are parents who clearly should not have been allowed to reproduce and god willing she’ll leave her kid at a Gymboree or on top of the car like a Starbucks cup and drive away and some nice family will rescue her and raise her to be a totally great, normal kid. THAT SAID. I watched every episode of “Newlyweds.” I live for this kind of thing. Utterly confident, unflappable stupidity is my fantasy football and I think it should be celebrated.
I thunderously applaud you, Farrah. As a fellow feminine.