Look. I know myself and my specific skillset. And that skillset is willing men who’ve worn spandex costumes in moving pictures to get back with their cute thin girlfriends, and that is my journey. Please respect it.
I first caught onto the “oh yeah they’re banging” vibes betwixt Chris Evans and Jenny Slate after they appeared on Anna Faris’s podcast. Of course since this post, everyone in the header image broke up. Such is life. But unlike most Hollywood breakups—shit, unlike most normal peasant-type breakups—the two went on about their lives, saying incredibly kind things about each other. She said of him, “His heart is probably golden-colored, if you could paint it,” and him saying of her, “She’s my favorite human.”
And then, recently, they were spotted together. “Spotted together” is journalism speak for “WE THINK THEY MIGHT BE FUCKING BUT WE CAN’T SAY FOR CERTAIN UNLESS IT’S TWO GIRLS AND THEN THEY’RE GAL PALS, PALLIN’ AROUND.”
And then…there were the tweets.
Articles reporting on this exchange are referring to them as “flirty” which is journalism speak for “KISS HIM WITH TONGUE” but really they’re just nice normal interactions friends have, which is good enough for me / potential evidence that they are rubbing their mouths together sometimes.
The theme song to Mash stresses me out. The Pavlovian response is that it's time to go to bed and I probably haven't done my homework.— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) October 21, 2017
"Probably haven't"???? Cmon, Christopher. Have you done your homework or haven't you? It's 7pm and you've had the whoooole weekend. Cmon.— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 21, 2017
How's your handwriting? Can you write me a note? Let's cut class!— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) October 22, 2017
This is terrifying and exhilarating. Meet me behind the gym after science. I have shark bites.— jenny slate (@jennyslate) October 22, 2017
So does this mean they’re dating? No it doesn’t, BUT THEY MIGHT BE. I’ll take it.