For Oscar weekend, Vogue asked Anna Kendrick to be their “onetime special correspondent” which to me sounds like a last meal sort of situation, but we’ll look past that. The teeny tiny mega babe kept a log of the parties and ceremonies she went to, and it’s as delightful as you’d expect. You can find the whole thing here, but here are the highlights:
What is looks like vs. What it is
The rain forecast this weekend is setting everyone on edge. You can barely maintain this level of smoke-and-mirrors glamour in a hermetically sealed lab, let alone out in the world when it’s pissing rain. I thought we put up with the traffic and plastic surgery in L.A. in exchange for good weather. What gives? My makeup artist, Sara Glick, arrives a half hour early and catches me eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. I don’t even stop. This is still my time.
On keeping it together
Aubrey Plaza is my date for the evening. Our first stop is the Giorgio Armani party, and she’s on her way to pick me up. The thing about these events is that most of them just serve booze and slivers of vegetables on rice crackers, so you basically need to be unceremoniously stuffing your face with calories every chance you get, unless you want to pass out on top of screen legend Bruce Dern. Aubrey hasn’t figured this out yet, so I bring two Luna bars out to our Uber. The glamour never stops.
We run back to my house so I can change for the Art Of Elysium event, and since I own enough hoodies, sweatpants, and slippers to clothe a small army, we take advantage of our 20-minute window and throw all of these things on under and over our dresses. It’s a magical moment of relief.
I get to present the award for Best Supporting Male Actor, which goes to Jared Leto. When he gets up on stage, the list in his hand is so long I wonder why I let myself be talked into the more painful shoes. However, his speech quickly transitions from a list of agents and lawyers to Pink Floyd, Wayne Gretzky, and all the women he’s ever slept with. His speech is funny and his hair smells like a damn meadow. What a dream.
Weird Oscar rehearsals
This is the most surreal thing about awards shows: In order to nail down the camera moves and the timing, not only do the presenters rehearse, but actors have been hired to “play” each of the nominees. A winner is chosen at random for rehearsals, and one of these actors gets up and makes a fake speech AS that person. Our rehearsal winner talked about the challenges of making the film and his gratitude for his director’s collaborative spirit. It’s enough to bring a confused, creepy tear to your eye.
The pinnacle of glamour
I decide to just leave my Invisalign at home today instead of popping it in and out of its case, because I’m classy (and also because even though my clutch is kick-ass, it could really only fit a stick of gum).
The power of In-N-Out Burger
I run home to switch dresses for the Vanity Fair party because I’m the luckiest chick alive (I mean, except for Jennifer Lawrence, with whom every man, woman, and child would trade places in a heartbeat. That hair! Those boobs! The Christian Dior contract! #workbitch). The corset on the new dress is amazing, but making me regret every carb I’ve had since age ten. And yet, this happened.
On the cowardliness of Jason Statham
The dress is so heavy it feels like a suit of armor, so obviously I attempt to pick fights. For some reason, Jason Statham does not take the bait.