Fellow 90s children rejoice, for our Teen Beat Prophet has risen in the form of Andrew Keegan. Of course, we’ve always known that Keegs had deep potential, and a great many sides to him, like the ability to appear both thoughtful AND pensive.
But praise be to Teen Bop, because Keegan has finally started his own religion. His followers gather in Venice, California and call themselves “Full Circle.” (So deep.) Of course, he super swears it’s not a cult. He’s just, like, the supreme leader who has the “ultimate say on all things.”
But what kind of religion is Full Circle, you ask? What might you expect at their services? I’m so glad you asked. According to a dude from Vice who recently asked himself the same questions,
When I visited the church, I was greeted at the door by a man who said his name was Third Eye. He quickly introduced me to the community pet Krishna, a giant talking parrot. Third Eye explained that he was part of the “inner circle,” composed of eight core members, all of whom are led by the founder Andrew Keegan.If that doesn’t tell you everything you need (and more than you wanted) to know about this group, you should also know that you can enter through a “vortex” created by Keegan’s “energy.”
‘Okay,’ I hear you saying. ‘But what IS Full Circle? What can I gain through this particular brand of beachside enlightenment?’
They described their movement as “advanced spiritualism” or “the highest spiritualism founded on universal knowledge.” When I pressed them about what exactly that meant, Third Eye said something about cosmic energy and ayahuasca.
And if you, like myself, live right in Downtown Squaresville, I’ll save you the Google search that taught me “ayahuasca” is a kind of “ancient Amazonian” tea that makes you trip serious balls. Because spirituality.
All in all, despite the creepily vague description of their “weekly non-denominational ceremony devoted to healing the world and ourselves through universal teachings and practices,” Keegan’s group doesn’t sound so very Scientologishly scary. They DO have an absurdly douchey mission statement where they describe themselves as “a co-creative collective” who are “activating a next-level human experience,” but mostly they seem to be founded in a devotion to recreating Burning Man 365 days a year through Sunday DJ dance parties and regular meditation services led by an insanely wealthy professional party planner from Beverly Hills. So if you’re looking for a new life purpose, and you happen to be a blonde gorgeous 20-something, a 90s teen heartthrob, or, last resort, a big exotic parrot, this may be the religion for you.
Vivian Kane is so very tired of the this-level human experience.