I recently started re-watching 30 Rock (I haven’t watched it since it was on the air!) and was reminded how delightful Alec Baldwin is as an actor, despite his… let’s call it his “personality”. When he’s not brawling in the streets over parking spots, or berating his daughter on the phone, or telling us how much black people love him, or getting into Twitter feuds with the President, he’s actually quite a good actor. Well, Alec must have sensed I’ve been thinking about him, because on Instagram today, he posted a shirtless throwback picture of himself and all the Baldwin boys, causing more basements to flood than category 5 hurricane.
My God, he was beautiful. They were all beautiful then, even duck-mouthed, bible thumper (and alleged masseuse thumper) Stephen. Shit, even third-string CBS procedural stalwart Daniel could get it. Of course, Billy could always get it, that’s a given. If you’re not turned off by the idea of a 1970s all-sibling, semi-nude, male review, then prepare to hear your genitals hum a little tune.
Looks like Jesus might be holding little Stephen back from his full potential there. Somebody tell him that 30 years from now his daughter is going to be married to a guy with 40 tattoos, and half of them will be religious!
This picture got me searching #YoungAlecBaldwin in Insta for personal reasons. But it yielded such spectacular results, I feel it’s a shame not to share some of the gems I found with you.
Alec started his career on soap operas. His first big TV role was as Billy Allison Aldrich in 1982’s The Doctors. He looked like this.
I mean, what is there to say other than “does he make house calls?”. I wonder if the curtains match the drapes? And by that I mean, is he also wearing denim underwear that are barely able to contain his body hair? In my mind he is. Alec’s next role was on another doctor show called Cutter To Houston, which I had never heard of before today. It looks intense.
Poor other guy on this show, he never had a chance. Alec was also on Knots Landing, and if you think he’s gonna let a little AquaNet outshine him or his now signature stare/pouty lip combo, you’ve got another thing coming.
I have no scientific evidence to support this, but I’m fairly certain Alec invented Blue Steel. Ben Stiller owes him big time.
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Baby Baldwin looks so much like Baby Goose in that one! But this baby’s all man. I wonder how much a pillow made from Alec’s chest hair trimmings would go for on the black market? AFAF.
My research shows that Alec rarely deviates from this look. Of course, there are a few exceptions. In these, I think he was trying for something a little more Redford-esque. Note the slightly relaxed mouth and hint of a smile.
And here someone has probably told him to look vulnerable, and the best he could do was serve a little Sears Portrait Studio Realness by almost sucking his thumb.
Lest his bombastic personality and obvious self-regard fool you, Alec can smile and have a laugh at himself. We know this from his wonderful work on Saturday Night Live (I’m thinking Schwetty Balls Alec; his Donald Trump is an abomination) and 30 Rock. Even at a tender age, Alec’s smile could light up a room.
I’ll leave you horny bastards with a parting shot from an IG account I didn’t know existed until today, but has shown itself worthy of a follow for its vital contributions to society.
Thank you, Daily Bulge. It’s hard work, but somebody has to do it.
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