A Tale of Two Airheads: Sarah Palin vs Poppy Carlton from 'Almost Royal'

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | July 9, 2014 |

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | July 9, 2014 |

Here’s a thing that happen to me earlier. I wanted to do a post about Almost Royal which is hysterical, and I highly recommend everyone watch. But the angle I was trying to work disappeared, and I had to abandon it. Then our fearless overlord sent me a link to Sarah Palin’s new article, and suggested I write a reaction piece to it.

Only I didn’t really want to do that either. Because there’s no reaction to Sarah Palin. It’s just dumbfounded rage. I could watch her terrible, terrible interview with Sean Hannity, and point out that conflating the immigration debate with a gun fight is at best irresponsible, and, given that her most recent article compares the president to an abusive husband, at worst inflammatory.

Or I could point out that despite her repeated claims, lying to the American people is not, in fact, an impeachable offense. And if it were, I could

*cough*Iran Contra*cough*.

Excuse me, I meant

*cough*Second Iraq War*cough*.

Whew, I’m so sorry I meant, every single effing president has lied to the American people, and Palin might want to check her buddies before pointing fingers.

Or I could point out that the only time Palin uses quotation marks in her article is as scare quotes, that the only irrefutable fact in her entire piece is that “Without borders, there are no nations”, and that she’s perfected the art of vomitting word soup in the exact proportions to alarm and enrage her ill informed fans.

But then I remembered the advice of Pajiba 10 hopeful John Oliver, and chose instead to ignore her. If you still feel the need to watch a dim witted, attractive brunette who has traveled a great distance to take America by storm, might I recommend Poppy Carlton in Almost Royal. Or you can read a book. Or have sex. Or sit in the dark quietly humming to yourself. For the love of god, just don’t pay attention to Sarah Palin.