A List of Headlines We Considered For Chris Pratt's Water Lie

By Chris Revelle | Celebrity | September 25, 2023 |

By Chris Revelle | Celebrity | September 25, 2023 |

The Pajiba writer Slack is a fun space. We pitch stories, we prattle on about our days, and we also get up to some goofs and giggles. When this insane claim came up on our radar, we, of course, had a field day coming up with angles to cover it by.

Yes, you have heard that the Worst Chris’ superhero diet for Guardians of the Galaxy allegedly included drinking an ounce of water for every pound he weighs per day. This allegedly led to him losing 60 pounds in six months. Pratt claims this meant consuming roughly 220 cups of water each day. While hydration is important, it’s equally important to note that this is way too much water. As Ryan Marino MD notes:

For further reference, Wikipedia helpfully notes that water intoxication results from a massive intake of water that unbalances electrolytes and leads to potentially fatal disturbances in brain function. As Dr. Marino observes above, Chris Pratt certainly did not really do this. Unfortunately, this kind of cover story for drastic celebrity diets is not uncommon. Many times, in an effort to stay some version of relatable, celebrities will claim they achieved their expertly sculpted forms through such simple methods as portion control and exercise. This leads to funhouse mirror-style warping of perceptions in which we normals strive to achieve these physiques with our limited time and means while celebrities employ dieticians, trainers, concierge doctors, and many other resources unavailable to us. That many publications parroted this claim without noting its fatal results as if this is something we can and should try ourselves is a bit alarming, but what can we do in this dystopic media space except laugh?

Here are the headlines we spitballed about Chris Pratt and his fatal water diet:

Celebrity Thirst: Did Chris Pratt Get Water Poisoning?

You Could Drown a Toddler in Chris Pratt’s Hydration Lies

Science Refutes Chris Pratt’s Moistness Claims

Chris Pratt’s Troubling Lies About His Drinking Problem

How Moist is Too Moist: Chris Pratt Chug-a-Lugs

Chris Pratt Doesn’t Drink That Much Water: How Celeb Diet Lies Cover Up What’s Probably Just Growth Hormones + Mounjaro

Chris Pratt is Over Filled With More Than Just Jesus’s Love

So that’s why he listens to Ben Shapiro!: Chris Pratt overhydrated himself for Starlord role.

Chris Pratt Misunderstands Thirst Trap

Chris Pratt Pees Like A Racehorse

To quote Mr. Mike Redmond: that’s fucking teaaaammmwork!