By Cindy Davis and Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | October 27, 2014 |
By Cindy Davis and Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | October 27, 2014 |
So, I guess Chris Martin didn’t pass the fart test? Or maybe Jennifer heard a little too much Goop dripping during Martin’s sleep-talk? Personally, I think Jennifer’s grandmother went just a little far announcing that Chris would be spending the holidays with the Lawrence family; that was just enough to push an untested couple over the edge. We may never know (*shudder*) exactly what caused the fracture, but the upside to that is, we can ENDLESSLY SPECULATE, AND EVEN MAKE SHIT UP! Wait, a minute, I forgot to even give you the big news…
You guys, Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin have called it quits. “A source” (totally, Gwyneth) told People magazine “Jen is the one who called it off” (Der). There go Apple and Moses’ baby step-unbiblically-themed-sibling. There goes the lamenting over JLaw’s lost youth. There go all the endless hours spent combing Coldplay lyrics for hidden references — unless of course, Martin has a breakdown and writes all new songs about pain and lost love. Aw, now I almost feel a little sad. Hold up your iPhone and sway and sing along with me, won’t you? Look at the stars…
True love is meaningless! … wait, how long have they been dating? Five months? And they had both just gotten out of long-term relationships (with Nicholas Hoult and Gwyneth Paltrow, respectively)?
Oh, well. In that case, it was probably just a rebound relationship. Truth is, we probably won’t remember it five years from now, just like nobody remembers that these celebrity couples once existed.
Meagan Good and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Josh Charles and Jennifer Connelly
Chris O’Donnell and Reese Witherspoon
Joshua Jackson and Rosario Dawson
Brad Pitt and Robin Givens
Sofia Coppola and Keanu Reeves
David Spade and Julie Bowen
Seth MacFarlane and Eliza Dushku
Jessica Biel and Chris Evans
Scarlett Johansson and Patrick Wilson
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