Friends, today is the day you all finally learn the difference between Keith Urban, an Australian country singer, and me, Kate Hudson, an American someone who owns two copies of Fear on Blu-ray.
As you know, I’ve been writing for Pajiba almost a year, and basically not a day has gone by since then that one of you hasn’t left a comment on something I wrote that wasn’t to the effect of: “Hey! Throw a shrimp on the barbie, bring Nicole over, and let’s jam out to one of your sweet country songs, Keith!”
Kate. My name is Kate.
Frankly, it was old when the first one of you wrote that comment, and it’s gotten even older over the past year. So it’s time to finally put this to rest and I can offer you the definitive difference between Keith Urban and myself. Primarily, I haven’t written a song about having sex with Nicole Kidman and he has.
Yes, in his song “Gemini,” he sings “she’s a maniac in the bed, but a brainiac in the head,” and also “she’s waking to make love in the middle of the night.”
Friends, this is not my song, as you can probably tell by the fact an Australian dude is singing it.
So you will further be surprised that Nicole Kidman was not talking about me when asked to comment on the song, as reported by People:
Kidman recently joked she wasn’t exactly thrilled about her sex life becoming front and center in her husband’s music.
“I don’t censor his art if I can be a muse for it,” Kidman told the Kyle and Jackie O show, adding, “It’s better than saying ‘God, I’m so bored. Make an effort, Nicole!’”
But when asked about another revealing line from the track, “she’s waking to make love in the middle of the night,” Kidman wasn’t ready to give details on the truth about that one.
“No, what?! You’re making that up, Kyle. Shut up. I’m not answering that, that’s outrageous,” she told co-host Kyle Sandilands.
The article also goes on to explain that the song was written without Nicole’s approval, and if you all know one thing about me, it’s that any song I’ve ever written about Nicole Kidman has gone through her approval process, which is why you all have never heard any song I’ve written about Nicole Kidman.
So, like, can we finally put this bit to rest, please? I’m my own person, just like Keith Urban is his own person, and we are not the same person. Only one of us has written a song about having sex with Nicole Kidman and it wasn’t me.
Thank you and goodnight.
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