The Earth has been blessed with Ryan Gosling’s presence for exactly 34 years today. I know he took a break from acting last year, but the lack of Baby Goose is bumming everyone out, and something needs to be done about it. I know, I know, he’s busy tending to his beautiful daughter and spending time with his equally gorgeous wife, Eva Mendes. I get it. But that doesn’t mean he can’t occasionally work, right? Those gold-scorpion diapers ain’t gonna pay for themselves. And we can’t wait until that still-unannounced Terrence Mallick project gets, well, announced. The world needs Gosling, who I’m assuming is reading this. Here’s why:
That slew of movies spoiled us
We had gotten used to you being around all the time, seeing your lovely face, hearing your soft, yet forceful voice, but of course we took it for granted. Now it feels like something is missing. We’re a Lars without a Real Girl, and that needs to change.
You’re a great actor
You play everything well: from funny (Drunk History), to hella tense (Half Nelson), to well-intentioned and desperate (The Place Beyond the Pines), to lovingly creepy (Blue Valentine), to adorable (Crazy Stupid Love), to badass (Drive)…the list goes on and on. In other words, don’t let another, lesser actor who was born in 1980, Nightcrawler’s Jake Gyllenhaal, win an Oscar before you.
While “Hey Girl” is still going strong, maybe it’s time for something else. Throw us a new catchphrase we can work with, and we can freak out when you read them back to us, which brings me to…
(Hey Girl photo via Fuck Yeah Ryan Gosling)