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Cannonball Read III: Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore by Mike Sorentino with Chris Millis

By Doctor Controversy | Books | March 16, 2011 |

By Doctor Controversy | Books | March 16, 2011 |

In honor of spring break, I’m going with a beach/Florida theme this week. Here’s your second review in that theme.—TU

Mike Sorrentino, aka “The Situation”, made a name for himself…and sold the shit out of it. Using his nickname/catch phrase, he rode to the front of the “Jersey Shore” cast, being matched only by everyone’s “favorite” diminutive dimwit Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi. Not content with merely being on people’s TV screens, “Sitch” decided to “drop the knowledge” on the public in print form. With his assigned collaborator, he set out to create, “the Bible to the Situation Nation.” I, for one, can honestly say that if this is the Bible to an entire nation of people, I’m all for starting a good old fashioned crusade.

With only 133 pages to its name, one would assume that this would be a simple book to just walk right through. That assumption couldn’t be further from the truth, as it is the most painful 133 pages I’ve ever had to read. Catch phrases, shitty drawings, fake “ab facts,” and of course, “Real Life Situations,” all are yours for the perusing in this handy volume made for you to “crush.” By the end of this book, the only thing that was crushed was my soul, and that was because of the fact that somewhere, out in the major population sprawl of America, someone thought this was a good idea. Someone allowed this book to be written. Someone would have eventually bought it. Scariest of all, someone might actually take this at face value as the “Psychology” book it’s being categorized as. (Here’s hoping it’s properly reclassified as “Humor” in a couple of years.”)

Sorrentino’s writing comes off as a blend of pretentiousness and stupidity, making him out to be the biggest bonehead with narcissistic tendencies in quite some time. (The only competition he’d ever have is if Charlie Sheen writes his autobiography, “Winning.”) It occupies a rather inconvenient middle ground: it’s too stupid to laugh at, but it’s too funny to completely trash it. All you really need to take away from this book is one quote: “You can nail the GTL, and the GTL Remix, but you can’t fake being a class act.” Oh Sitch, you’ve proven yourself correctly, if only to your own detriment. I usually try to keep it classy around here, writing off only the books that deserve it. And this book deserves it. It’s misogynist, it’s repetitive, it’s the biggest monument to the “Cult of Me!” that most reality stars subscribe to. If you’ve asked me to get to the point, I’d sum my feelings up in three words: Fuck This Book.

For more of Doctor Controversy’s reviews, check out his blog, The Bookish Kind

This review is part of Cannonball Read III. For more information, click here.