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shark night montage.jpg

Eh, I'm Still Waiting for the Holomax Shark Movie

By Miscellaneous | | April 6, 2010 |

By Miscellaneous | | April 6, 2010 |

I know some of you are going to be very excited for something called Shark Night 3D. But I think it sounds kind of done before. The movie will be directed by David R. Ellis, who gave us the failed internet-buzz-sensation Snakes on a Plane and second-unit footage for Deep Blue Sea. He also did stunts in the Burt Reynolds movie Sharky’s Machine, but that’s not quite as relevant as it sounds.

Very little in’s announcement of Shark Night 3D makes it seem appealing in any way. First, there’s the claim that it’ll be “Jaws for the 3D generation.” Are we the 3D generation now? And was Jaws 3-D not Jaws for the 3D-of-its-time generation? Honestly, though, I don’t even expect this to be as good as Jaws 3, in any format (I’ve only seen it on 2D VHS). Plus, I think Piranha 3D will beat this to the punch as far as getting blurbs from hack critics calling it “Jaws for the 3D generation.”

Ellis, who also made the second and fourth Final Destination movies, the last of which was in gratuitous 3D, will be reunited with animatronic animal expert Walt Conti, who made the sharks for Deep Blue Sea and the ones with laserbeams attached to their frickin heads in Austin Powers in Goldmember.

Shark Night 3D is shooting this summer, likely to arrive in the summer of 2011. After that, Hollywood has only four years left to give us Jaws in Holomax (doesn’t have to be part 19) to go along with our hoverboards and fax machines in every room.

Here are some other thoughts from the blogosphere:

  • Kevin Jagernauth at The Playlist:
    Continuing the run of shitacular films in the format that by this point must be angering James Cameron to Incredible Hulk-like levels (though, in his case, he would be blue with rage, right?) In case you want to know what it’s about, just watch the trailer for the upcoming “Piranhas 3D” and substitute killer fish with killer sharks and that’s probably about right.
  • Peter Sciretta at /Film:
    You can’t help but get flashbacks to Jaws 3D with that statement. It always bothers me when Hollywood execs use Jaws as an example when they are clearly aiming to make a popcorn tentpole. The fact that “3D” is part of the film’s title ensures the movie will probably be more Deep Blue Sea than Jaws.
  • Devin Faraci at
    Temper some of your enthusiasm […] Ellis’ movie is coming in at a paltry 28 million bucks. And if the writer is from Best Week Ever, and it really is called Shark Night, I’m concerned that Ellis will be doing less Final Destination 2 and more Snakes on a Plane.
  • Kyle Buchanan at Movieline:
    You know us. We would love to love the idea of Shark Night 3D, which is gearing up to shoot this summer under director David R. Ellis. Then we remember that Ellis directed the high-concept, low-returns Snakes on a Plane, and the schlocky potential of the title falls away. Still, at least it’s forcing the Discovery Channel to up its game. This is no time to rest on your laurels, Shark Week!
  • Will LeBlanc at Cinema Blend:
    Jaws will never be recreated, especially in today’s world. Jaws is Jaws and presuming you can make anything as socially and cinematically viable as Jaws just makes you look like a big fat asshole who sits around all day eating freedom fries in his underwear.

    This is about as exciting as the Heidi Montag shark attack 3D comedy. No one cares, so please kindly get the fuck off my front lawn.

    Now, if it were called Shark Knight 3D I’d be singing a different tune entirely.

  • Mike Sampson at
    I suppose if there’s any consolation it’s that the sharks won’t be entirely CGI. They’re somewhat surprisingly using some animatronic sharks for the film. And while the premise sounds ridiculous, Ellis did direct both SNAKES ON A PLANE (also a ridiculously titled movie) and THE FINAL DESTINATION, which is one of the few movies I’ve seen so far to use the new 3D process beneficially. That said…SHARK NIGHT 3D.
  • Alex Billington at First Showing:
    More reasons why this could be awesome: Ellis was the second unit director on other “water” films like The Perfect Storm and Deep Blue Sea; and the animatronic sharks will be built by Walt Conti, who was responsible for the sharks in Deep Blue Sea and the snakes in Anaconda. As terrible as this sounds, I’m excited, probably because I love shark movies so damn much. Bring it on, I say!

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