By Miscellaneous | | January 20, 2010 |
By Miscellaneous | | January 20, 2010 |
If there’s one thing that’s more game-changing for the entertainment industry on a regular basis than James Cameron movies, it’s pornography. Without porn, we may never have seen VHS, DVD or even high-speed internet. Or, not as quickly as we did see these things. So, I find it quite disappointing to learn Hustler is putting out a a porn version of Avatar and it’s anything but a game changer for the adult entertainment industry, let alone entertainment business as a whole.
Seriously, why isn’t the just-announced This Ain’t Avatar XXX being released on 3D Blu-ray? Instead, it’s a subscription porn service called BadGirls In 3D that may hasten the adoption of 3D televisions and Blu-ray players more than anything else, potentially even the real Avatar itself.
Not that I doubt Hustler’s video will be humorous enough — though maybe unnecessary after you’ve watched this hilarious Avatar sex parody or the less-funny SNL bit — but they really seem to have missed a big opportunity there.
Here is what some other movie bloggers have written about This Ain’t Avatar XXX:
THIS AIN’T AVATAR: XXX, which will be the blue alien porn you’ve been secretly wishing existed until you almost saw Neytiri’s nipple during every scene in AVATAR. […] I’m hoping that most people will be watching this movie mainly because it’ll be hilarious, not to actually get turned on, and I have to believe it will achieve the former goal.
Hustler is making an Avatar porn, titled This Ain’t Avatar XXX. That sound you just heard was thousands of furries orgasming inside their fox-person outfits. Don’t worry; they’re used to the mess.
Much as I’m cheered to see the truth of my prediction that we were entering a new era of Avatar porno, I don’t want to see professional parody makers spoofing Avatar because it’s a popular movie, I want real-life freaks hissing like cats and trying to dock queues. I guess I’m old fashioned like that.
However the porno version turns out, there is no way it will match the hilarity of the sex scene James Cameron actually filmed for “Avatar,” but left on the cutting room floor. The scene, that will appear on the forthcoming DVD/BluRay, has been included in the script Fox provided for awards consideration and it’s a laugh riot. You can read the whole scene here
This is great news because it will probably be better than the orginal version, shorter, a more orginal storyline and more rounded characters.
Lets just hope the Hustler version comes in 3D too, HEY HO.
The titles are confusing and misleading altogether. Is this NOT Avatar XXX? Does that mean it’s just the Avatar without all the moaning and thrusting? If I’m browsing the shelves of my favorite adult bookstore for the latest Avatar porn why would I want to buy the one called This AIN’T Avatar XXX? I want This IS Avatar XXX. I want the IS! All of the blue, long-tailed, pointy-earred filthy IS they can crame into one poorly executed film! Just don’t give it to me in 3D. My senses aren’t prepared for that onslaught…
Avatar porn sure to be the Titandick of the porn industry.
It may not be a game-changer, but it will be a pants changer. Ahem.
Also, no word on whether it’ll be shot in 3D, although we sincerely hope not. One thing’s for sure, though - it’ll Kleenex up at the box office.
While blue body-paint and sex are an intriguing combination, the title is weak. So Empire Magazine has asked you to suggest alternatives.
Empire put out the call for better titles via Twitter. So far, the best contenders are:
Avatar: Pandora’s Box
Avatar: I Blue Myself
Av At Arse
Ave It ‘Ard
Tree Of Holes
In the grand tradition of terrible pun titles — as essential an element of porn movies as the d*cks themselves — here are 8 possible titles for the inevitable Avatar porno:
1. Blew Men
2. F*ck That Planet
3. James Hammerin’s Latest Release
5. Slam That Box Office
6. Man Vs. Wild (P*ssy)
7. You’re Not In Candace Anymore
8. Fellash’ Navi-dad