Liveblogging the 2018 Oscars

Dustin Rowles | Film | March 4, 2018

11:50: Thanks for hanging out, folks. Sorry, I’m not Courtney, but it was a blast. We’ll see you in the morning with post-awards coverage and probably some bullshit about Trump (and am I wrong, or did we go the entire ceremony without a single mention of his name? Weird.)

11:46: And The Shape of Water wins Best Picture. Certainly not my favorite among the nominees, but it was a hell of an achievement, and I am happy for Guillermo del Toro. It’s just a relief that it’s not Billboards or Darkest Hour.


11:35: Again, didn’t love Three Billboards, but I’m not gonna deny that Francis turned in a hell of a performance and she gives the speech of the night. That said, if Three Billboards wins for Best Picture, I’m gonna break my foot off in my TV.

11:30: Is JLaw really tall, or is Jodie Foster really short? (Reminder: That “one of my first jobs when I was 19” was The Beaver with Mel Gibson.

11:25: Gary Oldman wins the *shrug* of the night. Honoring your mother is not winning you any brownie points there, sir.

11:15: No one is having a better night than Gael GarcĂ­a Bernal, who has lost his shit 3 times tonight now. (Also, congrats Guillermo!)

11:03: “Remember Me,” is a fine song, but I bet the Oscar voters would’ve voted differently if they’d seen Keala Settle perform tonight (nice speech, though).

11:02: Love Emily Blunt. Really love that pillow and shower curtain she stitched together to make a dress (did I do that right, Mrs. Julien?)

10:58: 6 categories and the In Memoriam left. We’ll be done by 11:30. Hang in there, folks.

10:51: I really, really love this song, you guys.

10:50: FUCKING FINALLY. I worried that he wouldn’t win until he was nominated 5 times in the same year.

10:46: First Matt Damon mention. Apt.

10:38: Wow. A horror movie just won for best screenplay, you guys. A horror movie!


10:34: Damnit.

10:31: This is a really good Oscars, y’all.

10:24: I bet he would’ve gotten drunk here if it was Courtney.


10:23: Correction. Second best thing after Tiffany and Maya.


10:13: HA!

10:11: FYI: Paul Thomas Anderson wants to make a comedy with Maya and Tiffany. He’s had conversations with Haddish about it. It could actually happen.

10:03: We are two hours in, and there’s been no Matt Damon sighting in an awards show hosted by Jimmy Kimmel. That is impressive.

10:00: It’s time for the annual Oscar gimmick. You can all thank Ellen for this.

9:57: I don’t know a ton about the art of film editing, but they perfectly choreographed car chase sequences to incredible music in Baby Driver! How does that not win in this category?

9:53: “How absurd it is that there’s no award for Best Stunt Coordination!

9:41:


9:40: Awkward year for Kobe to win.

9:36: That was an ad for Roseanne alright.

9:30: Incredibly strong category, and lots of deserving actresses, but I ain’t mad at Janney’s win. She was fantastic in I, Tonya. CJ CREGG 4EVER.

9:23: Poor Willem Dafoe. The first category of the night and he loses, and he still has to sit there with a smile on his face for the rest of the night. Doing a bang-up job, Willem! (Aside: I have it on good authority that he’s a good guy. His son lives here in Portland, and a few weeks ago, he was spotted at the Children’s Museum with his grandkid).

9:15: God yes.

9:13: I’ll allow it.

9:08: Lupita and Kumail presenting together. Go fuck yourself, 1955. Or 1985. Or 2016.

9:00: Is sound editing where they make Tom Hardy’s voice sound like incoherent garble, or is that sound mixing?

8:57: Congratulations for standing next to Ansel Elgort for more than five minutes without punching his face, Eiza Gonzalez.

8:53:




8:51: That Jenna Fischer show looks super bad. I’m gonna give it a shot, though, because Jenna Fischer.

8:50: For the three of you thinking, “Should I watch The Walking Dead live tonight and come back afterward?” It’s actually one of the better episodes of the last couple of years (for what that is worth), but nothing so hugely momentous happens that it can’t wait until tomorrow. I wouldn’t worry about getting spoiled, is what I’m saying.

8:46: Fantastic, uplifting performance from Mary J. Blige (note, Mudbound, while fantastic, is decidedly not uplifting)

8:39: Laura Dern is a great example of someone who has played her cards right for her entire career. She’s low-key inspiration. Also, Icarus for best doc.

8:37: Because she’s Eva Marie Saint and the rest of us are not.



8:31: The most surprising thing about the Costume Category is that Beauty and the Beast was released only a year ago. Christ.

8:27: Good for Darkest Hour. Also, don’t care.

8:26: Try to go 3 minutes without taking a swipe at Anne Helen Peterson, if you can, Armie.

8:25: Lakeith Stanfield for the funniest moment of the night, so far.

8:18: Look: I love Sam Rockwell. He’s a Pajiba favorite. He was great in Three Billboards, but Dafoe got robbed. I didn’t even like Florida Project that much (it was a little poverty-porny for me), but he deserved that award. But, if it means that Rockwell gets more roles in more high-profile movies, at least something good comes out of it. I hope it doesn’t portend a big night for Three Billboards, though. That would be disappointing.

8:14: Fourteen minutes into the show and we’re already handing out awards. I think Rob Lowe’s musical number probably lasted more than 14 minutes by itself.

8:08: A strange but not unwelcome monologue where the host praises advancements in Hollywood instead of singling folks out for humiliation. Bold, but I like it. I hope Jimmy doesn’t step on his own message by bringing out Matt Damon.

8:02: Was that the opening? A black and white thing? Well, I appreciated its brevity, anyway.

8:00: Look: I’m no more comfortable being here than you are comfortable having me, but it’s out of my hands! Courtney is at a thing this weekend, so she won’t be able to liveblog. So, you’re stuck with me. Don’t worry — you can ignore everything I say (especially as I become more incoherent after the second bottle of wine) and talk amongst yourselves. Just like you do with the daily political posts. It’s sure to be a shitshow.

Here’s what Courtney is doing this weekend, by the way:


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