Robert Downey Jr. Is A Human Puppet, And Other Revelations From The Marvel Class Photo
The Marvel marketing machine is a precision instrument. Take, for instance, their grand 10th Anniversary MCU class photo. It was orchestrated on October 7th of last year, before the November launch of Thor: Ragnarok. And we knew it happened, because we got glimpses of the event:
Still, we didn’t get the finished product until yesterday, just in time for the launch of Black Panther. And it’s… large. So large that it’s almost impossible to see all the stars, directors, and other important figures without a magnifying glass. So I figured I’d do you a favor and act as your magnifying glass! While speculating wildly as to what’s really going on…
Let’s start with this slice of pure happiness:
Those two guys are just so genuinely happy to be there! And I don’t know if Marvel staged it thematically, but Ant-Man plus Spider-Man, together? In a world filled with gods and wizards and genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropists, it’s nice to see the little guys finding each other.
And then there’s Hawkeye, who appears to be trying on human emotions for the first time:
You know who really has a hard time with emotions? Puppets!
I mean, it’s pretty clear what’s going on here, right? Iron Man is being controlled by Cap, which means Kevin Feige is Stan Lee’s puppet… so what I’m saying is, it all makes so much sense. They are the world’s most lifelike ventriloquist dummies. I just don’t really want to know where the puppeteer’s hands go.
But honestly, nobody cares who’s sticking whose hand up whose butt in the front row because, just like real high school, the back of the class is where it’s at. That’s where you’ll find the badasses and the cool kids:
Michael Rooker and Vin Diesel are clearly stuck in the back together because they’re the only two people who refused to take off their sunglasses for the shoot. Meanwhile, Taika Waititi is managing to out-cool Jeff Goldblum AND Samuel L. Jackson, a feat that many scientists believed was impossible until this photographic evidence proved otherwise. It’s not really a contest, though. Seeing them together is the point — and the point is “We’re all way too cool for this shit.” The low-key best part, though? That Cobie Smulders made it into that badass sandwich of awesomeness. Because Maria Goddamn Hill deserves to be there.
The ladies had their own awesome-off, of sorts. ScarJo decided to dress down for the occasion, while still rocking her patented “I’ma keep my mouth just slightly open” look:
While Zoe Saldana manages to make leather pants look chill AF and not, you know, sweaty and weird.
Of course Tessa Thompson rolled up, ready for BUSINESS:
But the undisputed queen of cool for this photo shoot goes to Evangeline Lilly:
I’ll have whatever she’s on, thankyouverymuch.
To be honest, I was a little concerned by Karen Gillan. She looks like she’s trying so hard to tolerate this whole experience:
But then she posted this, which set my mind at ease:
Apparently, she was just trying not to fall over laughing! Sounds about right.
And in MCU development news, it looks like they’re finally getting into the romantic comedy business!
But what REALLY has me excited is the new sneak peek at the cast of the upcoming Get Out sequel:
I mean, it makes sense that The Sunken Place would be just another realm that Doctor Strange could magic himself to, right?
And finally, here’s a man who is actively repeating to himself “Don’t be creepy. Don’t be creepy. Don’t be… FUCK. I was creepy, wasn’t I?”
Here is the full picture, in case you want to view it in all its glory (click to enlarge… though it’s like REALLY large):
And in case you missed it in last night’s Pajiba Love (what are you, a monster?!), here’s Marvel’s behind-the-scenes video from the shoot!