Pajiba

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT DOUCHEBAG IS STILL #2!

GAAAGH
I' DROWNING IN MY OWN HATE

Heh heh, glad to see An American Carol got the opening it deserved. Hope we do see a review, just out of morbid curiosity!

Really, though? Same dude who did Airplane!? *sigh* And Chris Farley's brother, too. *double sigh*

It's not Sam, it's Spike, and nobody liked him anyway, so why is he the main fucking character? By Primus, I wish Ironhide would just step on him in the sequel.

The city also celebrates Christmas on January 6th, because they are Satan-loving communists.

Stupid Eastern Orthodox church, screws up all my holiday card schedules.

The movie I saw this weekend was Forgetting Sarah Marshall and also some parts of Iron Man in the comfort of my own home thanks to Netflix. Looks like it was the right choice.

I've only heard of two of the movies on this list. Two of them.

Don't be hatin', BSlim. Someday, you'll grow a pube 'stache and start making millions, too. Until then, drink in the LeBeouf. Drink him in.

Interesting to note that Religulous took in $300K less than American Carol while showing on 1/3 the number of screens.

Damn, Tina Fey's Sarah Palin was right. It is the end of days.

I think I'll go drink some of that Palin Syrah I've got hidden somewhere.

Damn, Tina Fey's Sarah Palin was right. It is the end of days.

I think I'll go drink some of that Palin Syrah I've got hidden somewhere.

Trace Adkins as the angel of death? WTF?
Was Toby Keith busy?

Until Religulous is available on DVD at the library I guess I'll just have to rewatch Black Snake Moan & House Party 4.

I also liked Crash, though not as much as the gay sheepherding movie that should have won best picture. (oh, bite me. you know damn well they weren't cowboys).

Sorry, sorry. I swear I clicked once. My mouse seams to be sending everything twice lately. I think it got fried during the last thunder storm.

Having read "Blindness" (and it's a hard read, people: Saramago does not believe in punctuation of any kind, especially not to let you know who is saying what: an entire class on Joyce did not prepare me for this book), I just can't imagine how it would transfer successfully to film. The genius of the book is that since we are only reading about what takes place, we can't see and are therefore also blind and imagining the horror of events as they ensue. Sitting in a theatre watching the same events unfold (though no doubt there have been edits) simply negates the point of the book for me.

Genny(AR), I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall too! Only, thnaks to BlockBuster and in the comfort of my sister's home (she and her husband have widescreen, unlike my lazy/poor self. And also popcorn.).

I'm eager to see the review of Blindness. I love Gael Garcia Bernal, and he's the main reason I have any interest at all. Well, that and pissing off blind people. (Kidding, by the way, in case there's any blind people reading this.) I just get concerned about Julianne Moore in films like this. That one with her kid? that she may or may not have had, and then there were aliens, or something? ...yeah.

The city also celebrates Christmas on January 6th, because they are Satan-loving communists.

It's common for people on the eastern coast of NC to celebrate what they call "Old Christmas." Most people attribute it to following the Eastern Orthodox faith; but oddly, I know of no E.O. congregations in the area. They mostly "celebrate" by getting shitfaced drunk and setting off fireworks.

They celebrate the regular Christmas holiday, too.

According to Wikipedia: "Rodanthe is famous for its observation of "Old Christmas" on January 6...by the Julian Calendar, a custom held over from the original English settlers who still used the "Old Style" calendar." Wow, I feel educated now.

Why isn't Harker's Island "famous" for the same thing?

I was barely aware Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a movie, let alone that it came out this weekend, and it made twenty-nine million dollars? Man, I gotta get started on my screenplay.

Holy macaroni, Genny(AR), and Anna "KP"! I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall this weekend too! Then I set fire to all the pet stores in town so the dimwits coming out of the number one movie in America couldn't rush out and buy Chiwawauaawases. Instead, they have to settle for my custom-made Chawauwowies - essentially a stray cat with a Chalupa duct-taped to it's middle - better act fast, these south-of-the-border Chinchilliconcarnos are going fast! Only seventy-five bones, folks!

I love this site and all the different things it does as well as the diversity of the Pajibans and their comments. The only beef I have is this particular column. I suppose it is my own fault for knowing what is coming but clicking on the link anyway.
It seems that almost every week when I click on "The Roundup" I die a little more inside and am left wondering what the future holds for our children.

It's bleak people......bleak.

I had a neighbor who owned a chihuahua. It was an insecure, raving, monkey, yipyapping bitch. It was a boy, so not that kind of bitch. The raving monkey yipyapping kind of bitch. He bit the shit out of me more times than I can count. The day before my 7th birthday, he caught me by surprise and tried to take a chunk out of my ankle. I kicked him off... and into a wrought iron fence pole. It broke his back and his owners put him down. Ruined my birthday. Fucked me up emotionally.

I own 2 great danes.

Genny (Also Rusty), Skitts & A"KP"vB, I too watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" AND "Iron Man"!! We could have totally had a slumber party!

(Kidding, by the way, in case there's any blind people reading this.)
Anna, I can't decide if it would make me happier if this was a genius piece of irony or if you just temporarily forgot that blind people couldn't possibly read your comment, because they are blind.

Jesus baloney, Lainey, Genny(AR) & Anna "KP", we could still have a slumber party! You three ladies, me and Wendell. With booze. A lot of booze. At my house. My heater's on the fritz, so it's like really hot in there all of the time and... Oh yeah, the fireplace on/off switch is stuck on on too, so it's like, really hot in the house, like ninety degrees... So, uh... well I'm thinking about removing my britches, and y'know... if you guys wanna do that too, I mean - well, that's cool by me... Yeah... and uh... we could all sit on the couch across from the love seat with the giant two-w....er! I mean the big mirror over the love seat... and... yeah. Yeah.

Yeah...

That sounds like a dirty slumber party, Skitz. (Coincidentally, that's my favorite kind of slumber party.)

s. pisaster, that's how I keep my air of mystery... genius or idiot? I'll never tell...

Holy fuck, J_Capri - I did not expect your little story to end with puppy murder. Now I'm sad.

I am looking forward to Religulous, but I won't be seeing it in the theater - Mr. Kolby put his foot down. Jerk.

Man, when I woke up this morning I did not realize that I'd get invited to a dirty slumber party merely on the basis of my movie viewing choices.

Also, Skit's gonna get his ass kicked internet-style by bucdaddy when he finds out you're propositioning Anna. I'm gonna need popcorn for this one.

What's this "dirty" slumber party talk? I'm just saying that the four of us saw the same flick(s), it was mentioned "we could've had a slumber party", whereas I simply changed "could've" to "could still", I'm guessing we all like booze, my heater and fireplace are both malfunctioning, and when the temperature gets high, I oftentimes like to remove my trousers, and merely said that should anyone else want to do the same, there would be no offense taken on my part.

I'm propositioning no one. I would just like to enjoy a movie, with others, in my basement. Which happens to be a "themed" basement. Yes, it happens to be a dungeon-themed basement, but so what? And that trunk full of suspiciously phallic-looking whatchamafricks? Dog toys, nothing more than dog toys. No, I don't own a dog, but you never know, right? And yeah, I happen to have an oil-drum of industrial lubricant down here - it was a once-in-a-lifetime purchase. I'd normally never buy an oil-drum full of that stuff, but the price I got it for? It was practically being given away! And yes, yes I do happen to own a lot of tarps and bungee cords, but you know what? My grandmother has like, seven tubs of knitting needles and yarn and shit like that - do you think anyone freaks out when they see that? No. Sheesh, it's just a movie party, fer chrissake... Now, apropos of nothing, who among you has the highest pain threshold? WHAT?! I'm just asking... Geez...

The thing about the drum of lubricant (available at Costco for 729.97 with coupon) is that if you keep it in a warm area for too long, you will eventually have to skim off the layer that condensates on the top before using it. I know what you're thinking, Skitt, "Why not just pull from the top like normally?" Well my friend, that top level of the lubricant apparently is tainted. You will get an allergic reaction which leads to a burning and itching sensation on your goodie bag and eventually you have to see a doctor to get a shot. That's what my girlfriend said to me when it happened to her vagooter. We're not the only people this has happened to. Apparently she found out about the top level problem from her old coworker Greg, who she still has lunch with from time to time even though he got fired a couple months ago.....

So skim away, my friend...just to be safe, I scoop from the bottom, like the clam chowder at the Souplantation.

in case there's any blind people reading this.

Well, I'm legally blind, but the thick-as-fuck glasses make up for it, so you get a pass this time.

Chihuahua as #1??? Brace yourselves for a McCalin landslide, bitches. Not only do morons buy movie tickets, they vote, too. At least there's a good, dirty, lubricant-themed Skittimus & bucdaddy throw-down shaping up...the day might not totally suck yet.

Actually, Genny (AR), I hate to ruin your popcorn-having fun but bucdaddy knows I'm a huge whoer there's enough of me to go around. Oh, and Skittz, who do you think you're fooling, as the song says? Dog toys, my ass.

(Am I the only one disturbed by how much knowledge Rubble44 has of Skittz' giant vat of lubricant, btw? Oh, and Rubs, she's not having "lunch" with that guy, if you get my drift.)

(Kidding, by the way, in case there's any blind people reading this.)
Anna, I can't decide if it would make me happier if this was a genius piece of irony or if you just temporarily forgot that blind people couldn't possibly read your comment, because they are blind.
Even 100% blind people can get computers to read things out to them nowadays (I assume they have better speech systems than the ones that come free with apple).

Anna,

I was just agreeing with Skittz that it was a hell of a value and in no way should a oil drum of Slip and Dip be looked upon as weird. It's not my fault that you aren't a bargain shopper in these times of fiscal irresponsibility.

As for your second comment, just because a man and a woman have a meal together doesn't mean that they are doing anything else. She is a singer...she goes from private party to private party on the weekends and sings for groups. He was the driver and roadie for her and whatever backup singers they requested for the gig. Like she said, they are artists and they get together to practice and write songs and sometimes do Pilates. At least that's what they did the day I came to visit her and she was all sweaty and overheated.

I pity people like you Anna...so mistrusting.

Anna

"Dog toys, my ass."

Your ass, indeed. You probably phrased it that way on purpose to see if Skitt or Julie would notice.
I'll bet they did and are just too proud to go for the easy, obvious shot.

I'm not that proud.

I can't help it, Rubble- this crazy world we live in has made me a cynic. I'm sure they're just friends. I mean, Pilates is really good for you. With the sweating.

Also, since I'm rolling in cash (literally- I'm just rolling around in a large tub full of $1,000 bills right now), I buy special lubricant at Saks Fifth Avenue (Christian Dior, .5 oz tube for $476.90). It makes my vagooter smell like diamonds.

I LOVE the smell of diamonds! And, and, AND, I also happen to love the smell of lubricant, which by the way, should totally be changed to lubriCAN, am I right or am I right??

I know a certain girl who has had entirely too much caffeine this afternoon...

hmmmmm....so your vagooter is the hardest surface known to man.....or at least it smells like it.

I didn't know diamonds had a smell...cause I am but a common man....I'm sure your vagooter had a smell....but I digress....

Why the smell of diamonds? I prefer the smell of fresh baked pizza...which is why I dip old Roscoe in Newman's Own Marinara Sauce.....Ragu is too watery....I tried a vodka sauce once, let's say that didn't go well.....Not only was Newman my favorite actor of all time, he made a great sauce...and to know my perversion is helping charities throughout the world makes me happy. Hole in the Wall Gang indeed!!!!!

CrisD - I now desperately want to know how one of those reading computers would deal with "vagooter."

Oh, my vagooter has a smell, all right... smells like VICTORY! And, thanks to my decadently expensive Christian Dior lube, it is most certainly not the hardest surface known to man, thankyouverymuch. Like velvet, my friend. Like a vice wrapped in velvet. (I prefer my junk not to smell like food, nor anyone else's. It just makes me hungry, and I don't think you want me to be hungry around your naughty bits.)

P.S. Lainey, you are right. And I'll have what you're having.

Well pajibans be prepared for....

Beverly hills Chihuahua: Poo in New York and of course,
Beverly hills Chihuahua: bark in vegas

and the precuel..
Beverly hills Chihuahua: doggie style

it is tottaly happening...

I would expect you to be hungry when it came to my naughty bits....just remember, nibble, don't bite.

Who am I kidding? I can't cheat on my girlfriend. When she and Greg get back from that seminar in Santa Barbara, I'm going to tell her about this. I believe in complete honesty and that is what is keeping us rock solid.

Um....Anna, you were right....Greg and her weren't having "lunch". She just confessed. I apologize for having doubted you. I don't know why I was so blind. When we met at Hooternanny's she said I wasn't like the other guys she danced for....and I fell for it. Eleven days of my life, down the drain....oh well, back to the fiancee'

Skit's safe from me. Really. Anna and I have a standing reservation from noon-4 p.m. Tuesdays. It usually lasts her through Friday. But she has weekends off, and she's her own boss.
===
Mmmmmmm, they make some damn fine beers at Victory, my little Hop Devil.
===
All dogs are descended from wolves?

*Looks at image at top of page. Blinks.*

My ass.

God, I hate Dave Matthews. And talking chihuahuas.

"9. An American Carol ($3.8 million): A right-wing political comedy? Yeah. No thanks. What the hell happened to David Zucker, people? He went from Airplane! to a movie starring Trace Adkins as the Angel of Death. It's good to see Kevin Farley getting some work, but there's just no reason this movie needed to be made. We may or may not review it this week, depending on my mood."

Jesus Christ Dustin, so you lean to the left, so that means you won't review a right leaning movie- How very petty of you. "There's just no reason why this movie needed to be made" the same could be said for Michael Moore's propaganda flicks. I see Religulous was reviewed, how not surprising....

Not to be a jerk or anything, but it's the St. Paul Pioneer Press. The 'red meat conservative' paper in Minnesota, as opposed to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, often called 'The Red Star'.