Pajiba

the stain who steps off the escalator and immediately comes to a complete halt

I am glad I am not the only one driven to red-tinged madness by the exploits of those who have apparantly never seen a $*%&@!&$ escalator in their lives.

Me and my friends got slightly tipsy when we went to go see No Country For Old Men. I bought Smirnoff (cause I had to drive home afterwards), and when I showed my little surprise to one of my friends she pulled out her big gulp of whiskey. God, I love Chelsea. We don't go to the theaters without bringing our own refreshments because I refuse to buy from the concession stand, especially when the money I use to buy the ticket is more than I make in an hour at my minimum wage job. Me and one of my friends once had a picnic when we went to go see a 12:30 matinee showing of The Aviator.

Ps. Rum and anything fruity (especially Banana-Orange-Strawberry) is delicious. And no one can smell it.

Hilarious. In my local mega-cineplex(??), the ticket rippers usually are too bored to rummage to anyone's bags. I've seen beer and hard liquor consumed; however, I wish some of them would not get too inebriated. They stumble out of the theater knocking people left and right when the credits roll up. I'm all for spiking drinks, but getting smashed just ruins anyone's movie experience.

Mmmm, that Alison Janney is a good-lookin' woman. Get a couple of rums in her and-

...you'll have to excuse me, didn't sleep much last night and the West Wing was on when I did finally pass out.

I only go to the movies on weeknights, or better yet, Sunday nights. Any other night is basically completely unbearable. And I also refuse to see a movie in the first 3-4 weeks of it's release. Basically, I want the theater to be as close to empty as possible. Otherwise, I'm watching the fucker on DVD.

Although, Juno was the exception to our usually hard and fast rule. We saw that in the first week of it's release, and on a Saturday. It was worth the stress.

I'm actually pretty tiny, and I'm not as big a drinker as I used to be, so I tend to avoid drinking before or during movies. The last time I went to the movies after tossing back a few was in Denver, and the movie was Toy Story 2. I've never laughed so hard in my life. Anyway, these days my size and still fairly fast metabolism (not as fast as I'd like it to be) mean that I go through the stages of drunkeness very quickly. I'm not kidding, it's warp speed from giddy to naptime. So, yeah, no drinky & watchy for me.

I've started yelling, "NO STOPPING" at those morons who just lose the ability to function at the top of escalators. I'm always amused when they look at me as if I'm the one who has done something wrong - you're the one standing still at the top of a moving set of stairs, dimwit.

Oh - and booze = good!

Life Lesson #47--Rocky Horror Picture Show after a shroom & peanut butter sandwich = the best movie ever.

wsapnin, here's #48:

Watching "The Fugitive" in a packed suburban movie theater after 4 doses of LSD = worst decision ever.

What a waste.

A few years ago my roommates and I somehow ended up with a surplus of Natural Light (7 cases - don't ask). In an effort to rid ourselves of this beer, every activity became a forced drinking game. When that wasn't enough, we started travelling with beer, and Movie Nights began.

Our local theater was located in a low-rent food court, which tended to attract lots of junior high school tour groups, and generally, the type of clientele that liked to yell things out at the screen. If you can't beat them - join them. So we would load up my tote bag with cans of cheap beer, pick the most offensive thing playing, and get drunk and yell at the screen. It's an excellent way to pass the time during a movie starring The Rock!

It's all about the booze at the drive-in (assuming you're not driving). There's nothing better than a cooler of beers - or whatever your preference - while watching some craptastic summer movie (or two or three, depending on the angle at which you park your car for viewing opportunities).

Coke and peppermint schnappes? Seriously? That is just vile sounding.

Last year, I went and saw 300 on opening weekend. My friends Boyfriend and my roommate at the time had a brilliant idea. Lets sneak a 12 of bottles in to the theatre.

Now i'm all for alcohol induced cinema watching, but I was beyond embarassed. These fuck tards wouldn't stop talking and giggling. They kept getting up to use the washroom, clanking bottles everywhere. It got so bad, that my friend and I had to sit in between her boyfriend and my roommate just to keep them in line. If I wanted to go to a movie with a 3 year old I would have taken my god daughter!!!

Life lesson #48, subsection 2:

Ditto for acid and "The Twilight Zone" movie. Especially when the trusted "friend" who is acting as designated driver/babysitter reaches his hands in back of your heads (he sat between two of us) and covers your faces at the scariest moment.

Drinking in movie theatres...one of my top 10 favorite things. In law school, our local movie theatre had a kick ass liquor store literally right next to it (called Friar Tucks) where you could get pocket shots of just about anything - even nicer liquors.

One of my faves - Effen Black Cherry Vodka in a cup of coke. Yum!

Unfortunate side-effect of drinking (too much) in movie theatres: Thinking it's funny to try to steal movie cut-outs - you know, the big cardboard stand-alone thingies - after the movie. One of my friends tried to steal a huge cardboard Homer and was arrested in the parking lot. Not kidding. And he was not 16 (cause, you know, who isn't stupid at that age?)...he was 25.

TK: "Watching "The Fugitive" in a packed suburban movie theater after 4 doses of LSD = worst decision ever." Um...yes? Watch something cool, at least ;) And a packed suburban movie theatre is never a good thing. Under any circumstances.

J - do you live near a drive-in? I haven't seen one in probably 10 years!

Does anyone know of any drive-ins left in the DC area?

Please tell me there will be regualr postings like this. Mr. Byonton, while it is apparent you don not like to attend movies in the theaters, I think for the Greater Pajiba Good you will have to make the sacrifice. Be sure to get someone to drive you home.

you know, I just googled drive-ins in DC and I think you might be out of luck. Looks like the closest one is north of Baltimore. There are a ton in the Midwest and VT though, and I spend a lot of time in both those places. Drive-ins rule. But not for good movies - you have to check out the listing and then go to the see movie you have the LEAST interest in. I highly recommend Spider-man 3 - it's the only setting in which the viewing is slightly palatable.

or Men in Black... 2.

Can I just say that the concept of "pocket shots" makes me weep a little? I mean, it's really such a beautiful concept, and I wish it could be found around here. Seriously. I'm actually a little aroused.

Best review of Juno I've seen in ages.

And as for drinking at the movies? What a great pastime. I remember going to see Borat and getting a bit tipsy & it turned out to be the funniest movie ever. Rum during Pirates of the Caribbean. The key, though, is not to get smashed.

And I will have to check out those pocket shots -- brilliant!

Worst thing ever...

A friend, myself, and a twelve pack of Red Stripe went to see "Training Day" in a relatively small theater (i.e. no stadium seating, concrete floors, about fifty people in attendance).

Near the end of both the movie and the twelve beers, right when the climactic shit was going down, I shifted my half-asleep ass and in doing so, knocked over the backpack containing the emptys. It was a good twenty seconds before the last bottle came to rest at the foot of the theater.

Let me tell ya, a slightly inclined concrete floor plus ten empty glass bottles equals a shitload of dirty looks after the lights came up.

You can find pocket shots near the checkout line at almost any liquor store. One of the liquor stores near my college campus would give 'em to you for free if you were buying other stuff. They'd pack your bags with free pocket shots and strands of beads. Not sure why, but I wasn't going to complain. On a related note, it's sad that I have so many liquor store stories. I feel like that might make me a certain kind of person -maybe an alcoholic? But I guess if there's anything *almost* as fun as drinking, it's preparing to drink. You know, getting the troops lined up and stocking up on ammunition.

Anyway, even if you pay for pocket shots, they're only about $1-4 depending on what kind you buy.

Now all I want to do is sit around drinking rum and make out with Alison Janney...was that the purpose of this review?

I've had very very few experiences drinking in the theater...I believe the first and only time was when a friend of mine was a manager at a local Regal Cinema, and let a group of us in for free. We had water bottles filled with wine, thank god, because the featured film was 50 First Dates.

Being from New Orleans, where we have drive-thru daiquiri shops, no one should be surprised to know that we don't have to sneak drinks in here. The daiquiri shop is conveniently located across from the concession stand. mmmmmm, jack-and-coke daiquiris, mmmmmm.

We collect the dinky minature spirits bottles you can buy as part of gift sets or get on planes and reuse them, if you're serious about covert alcohol consumption it's cheaper in the longrun.

Because I am OCD about things being all matchy matchy we have rather a large collection as each one must be refilled with the correct spirit.

Our local multiplex doesn't mutch care what you bring in as long as you're not pissing anyone else off - this resulted in my flatmate and I watching Enchanted with a bottle of red wine. Now that was cinematic magic.

I do miss my old local indie picture house though - they had a bar and hence you could watch movies with a decent glass of wine or a pint of beer. Bliss. Not entirely sure it was legal but it was a damned fine way to spend an evening.

I feel like a total douche for saying this, but I've got a hankering to load up on some vodka-cranberry, get lit, and sit through/yell at a screening of "Meet the Spartans".

And anybody that has the audacity to shhhh me will get a kick to the back of the skull...

My god, where have my morals gone?

I am interested in this phenomenon of mixing liquor and movie theatres. I have never done it myself, but had heard of it. I will have to try it henceforth...especially when going to watch movies with friends I know are going to be traumatizing to watch (yes, I watched Awake....it was horrible and mind-blowingly stupid...but she really wanted to see it....)

That being said, Skittimus, I don't think there's enough vodka to be able to sit through that movie.

a combination represented perfectly by the jackass who invariably stops abruptly right in front of me as we are exiting the auditorium,

-----------------------------------------------

Well, why are you walking "right behind" people? I *hate* people who do that!

How do you not walk right behind people when you're exiting the theater? Everyone is filing out at the same time.

Stephie...there is only one drive in I know of still in operation ANYWHERE near you. It's in Camden, DE. Sadly though it is closing after this summer. The only other one I know of is in Manchester, CT. Used to go there all the time with my ex and some friends. Stop and pick up her mom's mini van and we'd pile in. Open the tailgate and place the rear seat on the ground outside to sit and watch the movie on while 2 other people could lay inside. Many, many, many naughtie nights at the drive-in.
How many people here other than me can say they got head during the opening show of Finding Nemo, with children, literally, FEET away from us?

correction...Mansfield, CT

twig, Julie, HallsyHatesU: Hug it out, guys. Let the pocket shots bring you together, not tear you apart. United, we booze (and take 4 doses of LSD each, courtesy of TK); divided we...well, we possibly resort to fisticuffs by the escalator. Eh, I guess it's a win-win.

Stephie...there is alos Bengies Drive-In in Baltimore. Went there once as a kid. Had no idea it was still opened til just now when I googled it.

Drinking, shminking. If you can time your heroin fix to coincide with your initial vomiting in the theater's bathroom before the pic starts, the viewing experience can be pure bliss, and you have no alcohol that can be confiscated.

Think outside the bottle, people- then experience the true genius of 'Meet The Spartans', something you otherwise sober ones have obviously failed to recognize.

No thanks required.

I live in South Florida and we have a huge drive-in movie nearby in Sunrise (Fort Lauderdale). It has probably 11 screens, showing all the first run movies you could want. We used to show up with pizzas and lawn chairs and turn our boom boxes to the proper station (they broadcast the sound on FM radio). Once we threw a birthday party there with cake and candles, the whole ball of wax. I just wish I would have brought some booze - it would have made the experience much more enjoyable for some of the really crappy movies I saw there.

My only time at the drive in...was with my parents. Wah. There used to be one in Doylestown, but it closed yeeeears ago.

TT: Hee-pocket shots should only be used for good, not evil.

Julie, there's one in Lancaster. Beyond that, it's about a 90 minute drive for you to the next nearest one. I think there's one in Vineland, NJ as well though.

Dumb post. Better luck next time, Theodore.

But a clever critique, so at least readers got something. tb

Since we're sort of discussing concession stands and sneaking stuff past them, I just have to vent. A good friend (who sometimes frequents these virtual pages) has an autistic son with serious dietary issues. They asked the local cinema if they could get an exemption for him to bring in popcorn he could eat (large bags of contraband popcorn being difficult to stick in a coat pocket) and the answer was a big fat NO, and now because they know, they watch him. Is that not the shittiest, assholiest response ever?

Ooh, really? That's too cool, I've always wanted to go as an adult...and not be forced to sit through a double header of First Knight and Congo. :shudder:

Now I'm picturing Amish folk getting their bonnets all tussled in the back of their buggies.

Paddydog: that is such utter bullshit.

Paddy - Yes. The shittiest and assholiest.

I can't stand "rule lovers" - you know, the people who don't think about the policy behind the rule (here, something along the lines of "we don't let people bring in food because we want them to buy concession stand food") but instead strictly and blindly adhere to the rule itself, even in contexts in which the underlying policy isn't furthered (here, not furthered because this kid wasn't buying movie theatre popcorn anyway).

Drinking at the movies can be very dangerous. In Austin there is a good chain of theaters that have food and booze, including a bucket of beer with five in it. I always order a bucket of Lone Star, plus one, for the even sixer and let's just say that Rule # 59 can be:

Six of Lone Star + Dave Chapelle's Bloc Party = Slight Leakage

God, I am so glad for the anonymity of the internet right now.

Dumb post. Better luck next time, Theodore.

*Ring, Ring*

"Hello?"

"Hi, ot?"

"Yes"

"This is Kettle. YOU'RE BLACK!"

FUCK.

That was supposed to say POT, not "Ot".

Oh, Irony, you cruel bitch.

Bloody hell. My point is still valid, however.

Stephie:

Every summer in D.C. they do a thing called "Screen on the Green: free outdoor movies at the national mall" where you bring a blanket, sit on the mall, and watch movies on a giant movie screen. Last year they showed Casablanca, Annie Hall, and a couple others. it's not quite a drive-thru, but it's close.

TK, I also do not have Pocket Shots around here. It really makes me sad. They would have made tailgating during college so much easier.

I envy those would can get pocket shots.

As a theater usher in high school, I found booze bottles in the auditoriums for the following films:

Rugrats in Paris
Swordfish
The Gift
Heartbreakers

I understand the last three (the chests of Halle Berry, Katie Holmes, and Jennifer Love Hewitt abounded - coincidence?), but Rugrats? Really?

I will NOT go into any theater that will not allow me to bring in a six-pack of tall, frosty, puertorican Medallas.

I mean.... I'm bringing my own fucking cooler, that's just plain fascism.

Whew, I'm just glad there are still a few people in this world who believe in the transformative powers of hard drugs.

speaking of drinking...Piss Boy --> I doodled up a picture for you whilst in my 'post-toddler-party' cups last night...it's a whiskeybabyninjastar all right. I don't have a webpage though...it'd kill me to send you to facebook, really it would...so I emailed it to AlabamaPink...bug her if you want it...or enlighten me as to where I should post the sucker. If I hadn't gotten so warm and fuzzy, I woulda done Vermillion in his basement hiding amongst the Nutella crates while zombies loomed. Still might. I got another can of bub just sitting there...

There was, however, the time I was denied access to the theater because of the full-bottle liquor bandolier and assless chaps....

Seriously, some people need to pull the stick outta their asses. Granted, the movie was "The Last Mimzy" and I reeked of old sweat and Axe Body Spray, but lighten up already!

So I just Googled Pocket Shots to see exactly what they are. Wow, just wow. They seem like Capri Sun bags of booze. What's wrong with the little airline bottles - they come in plastic now. Plus a pint bottle fits in jacket pocket nice and easy. I also love all the skiing photos on the site. Always seemed like suggested activity for drinking

"Rum and coke is often one of the first drinks high school kids try, at least when they come to my house."
Oh ho ho ho. I laughed a great deal inwardly at this piece. Very clever, very venemous. Very true. I'm not a big drinker, but I should probably look these things up.

i'm not sure i see why anyone would want to make out with allison janney.

PISSBOY: I'm here and you need to e-mail me from my blog. Rebeccah sent me the funkiest whiskeybabyninjastar graphic every. (Sorry for yelling but I am HTML tag retarded.)

Man it's raining buckets here today.

For many summers I worked at a movie theater, and occasionally, if we were slammed, my managers would pull me out of the box office to help clean the theaters. Interesting stuff was often found lying amongst the napkins and popcorn spillage. I remember "The Crow" having a high ratio of empty Jim Beam bottles. Once I picked up what I thought was an empty McDonald's cup, only to discover it was full of chewing tobacco spit after the bottom of the cup fell apart and dumped the contents all over my shoe.

Most incongruous empty alcohol containers I ever came across was an empty case of Bud Light in "Goldeneye". It just seemed weird to me that James Bond fans would drink Bud Light.

And one should never EVER mix illicit substances and "Erasurehead". I'm sure that goes without saying, but apparently I didn't know no better.

Jimbo: for me it's because she is a statuesque, unconventionally gorgeous lady with an assload of charisma and acting talent. If I were a guy, I'd climb her like a tree. :)

My love stems from The West Wing...she was so perfect in that show.

'Bama?

Um... did you mean "Eraserhead"?

Although, "Erasurehead is pretty fucking funny. The David Lynchian take on 80's brit-pop music!

Oh, I'm totally getting that movie made.

A few things:


1. Why all the fuss over pocket shots? Is there some problem with good old fashioned flasks?

2. We have a local combination bar/resturaunt/theater called the Skylight, where you can get a pitcher to go with the movie. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to take advantage of that aspect due to certain legal statutes. >.>

3. On the subject of intoxicated movie viewing: I tried to watch Pan's Labyrinth whilst very high, and ended up concluding it was the most confusing movie ever.

Okay, look. I have bandaids all over my hands because my fucking skin keeps spitting with all the dry, cold weather and because my mother-in-law's pet squirrel bit me on Sunday.

Hence, my typing has become erratic to say the least.

And I am jacked up on allergy medication.

Tired of getting bitten by pesky pet squirrels? Have you tried Ronco's Squirrel-apult? and . . .

Chee-up, ah'm all jacked uhp on Mountain Doo-ew! tb

Matt R - in all fairness....any movie tends to get confusing seen high.

Shadows of Dakaron- Very true. Hell, I couldn't even figure out Night Watch.

Night Watch Maybe because it was in Russina and you were trying to read the subtitles stoned?

Aw, 'Bama, I meant no harm. I just thought it was funny is all.

Wait.

Did you just?

[goes back to re-read]

my mother-in-law's pet squirrel bit me on Sunday.

Best. Sentence. Ever.

SEE! I couldn't even type "splitting". As in "my skin is splitting". Not spitting.

Fuckall.

"my mother-in-law's pet squirrel bit me on Sunday."

That sounds like it could be the premise for some freaky-ass zombie-squirrel movie...

Or a kick-ass band...

Or, maybe the reason Paul Rudd could give for appearing in that shitty, shitty movie...

Alabamapink, I feel your pain. I live in the middle of a godforsaken desert, and when my daughter was little (until about 6 yo) I had to continually apply aquaphor to her, since her poor skin would be so dry it would split and bleed (like on her stomach and back.) She still has to use oatmeal soap exclusively. My hands are a mess, and will be until mid-July, August.

Why you people would ruin perfectly good coke with rum is beyond me! What? You pour rum on the rails before you snor.....ooooooooh, I got it, COKE, never mind.

actually, BSlim....wouldn't they still mix?

...mmm yeah, I guess, I'll, get back to you...

"my mother-in-law's pet squirrel bit me on Sunday."

Does your mother-in-law, by any chance, live in Boca Raton, FL?

http://sugarbushsquirrel.com/

DISCLAIMER: Jerce takes no personal responsibility for the effects which perusal of the above website may have on your life.

May I suggest another option?
Whisky, straight, along with the cinematic masterpiece that is known as Clash of the Titans.
You might never be the same again.

I am a firm believer in bringing alcohol to bad movies and children's movies only. It helps that I can pack a minibar into my purse; vodka transformed "The Game Plan" into a work of staggering beauty.

Thanks a hell of a lot Jerce - I clicked over to the squirrel thing and my son kept me there for a bloody 45 minutes perusing (and explaining) such gems as 'searching for Osama' and 'put prayer back into schools' featuring a costumed squirrel. He made me bookmark it.

Oh well, I should know better than to surf in front of the kids. (Too bad we're not allowed to be drunk during other events that fascinate kids.)

My friends dropped acid before we watched Barton Fink. I- designated driver- was jealous until we walk through the food court to the car.
The giant hanging lobster scared the bejeebus out of them, I had to make a pre-school train where everyone held hands. Look down, and don't leave your buddy behind!

Sorry, Rebeccah--nooooo responsibility.

My favorite is the tsunami pic. Heh.

Also--demondoll: Heeee. In my day the term "designated driver" did not exist; but I was a "guide" a couple times. It was always a drag. You were the one who had to do the talking to any straight people you encountered--mall cops, your history teacher, a friend's mom--while the rest of the gang cowered and freaked and exhibited the most suspicious behavior possible.

POCKET SHOTS!!!!! Fuck, I'm wet just thinking about the possibilites.

Anyway...I live in a goddamn backwater where NO decent films are shown, so my friends and I get completely trashed every weekend and go see whatever piece of crap my inbred neighbours are creaming themselves over. I don't remember much about these film-going experiences, but judging by the dirty looks I get the day after we've ruined many a Michael Bay love-fest. So YAY for us!

Although I haven't had a drink in over 11 years, the perennial misanthrope in me is now officially in love.

My friends dropped acid before we watched Barton Fink.
Wow - The fian scene with Goodman and the shotgun and fire was freaky enough sober, I can't even imagine it stoned.

Should've let the lobster get them.

Who the fuck decided that dressing up a squirrel would be fun?

Mind you it's probably less harmful to a child's psyche than those fucking bratz dolls...

Seeing as I have a rather large hand bag, the idea of smuggling booze into the theatre is intriguing and I can't work out why I never thought to try it before...next time someone wants to drag me to a shitfest I think that rather than refuse I might just get some of those airline bottles and make an evening of it - tragically, Australia has yet to discover Pocket Shots, although I doubt it will take long

Apparently getting drunk at the cinemas ain't as cool as I led to believe. ;)

The last film that I remember getting DRUNK at in the theater to is 'Date Movie'. And y'know what? I wish I was a whole lot drunker than I was.

Like, alcohol poisoning to the brain drunker. If Jebus had allowed

I have a friend who's very much a rock dude (in the band t-shirts, longish hair sense). He has this wiiiide-legged trousers that he wears when we go to the cinema. They have massive pockets down the backs of his legs, and the material on the top of the pocket is slightly tougher than the material of the main trouser. The result is that we can sneak in ultra-large bags of pop-corn, 10 inch pizzas in boxes, bottles, and basically anything else we want - and no one can see a thing till we start unloading.
That boy's trousers, I swear, are like Mary Poppins' bag.

I have a friend who's very much a rock dude (in the band t-shirts, longish hair sense). He has this wiiiide-legged trousers that he wears when we go to the cinema. They have massive pockets down the backs of his legs, and the material on the top of the pocket is slightly tougher than the material of the main trouser. The result is that we can sneak in ultra-large bags of pop-corn, 10 inch pizzas in boxes, bottles, and basically anything else we want - and no one can see a thing till we start unloading.
That boy's trousers, I swear, are like Mary Poppins' bag.

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Make sure you use a complete set of alligator mouths on each code. If you google "HTML tags" you'll find a lot of sites with examples of not just bold and ital, but also cross-out, etc.

There's a great independent theater here in Seattle called Big Picture. Its a bit pricey, but worth it since it will actually serve you at your seat. Also, it's a very small theater, so it's easier for the staff to control any rowdies that show up. Lastly, they often show movies that have just left the big multiplexes, so if I've missed anything, it's a great place to catch them.