'Twilight' DVD Extras Actually Have Purpose: The Creepiest Doll Ever

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'Twilight' DVD Extras Actually Have Purpose: The Creepiest Doll Ever

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Videos | November 5, 2013 | Comments ()


I would never under normal circumstances advocate the watching of any of the Twilight films, let alone delving into the DVD extras of the franchise. But look at that header picture. Look at it. Watch it gaze deeply through your soul from the abyss. These are not normal circumstances.

Apparently for the wee little newborn Renesmee, a custom animatronic doll was built. It is an absolute mystery why the designers of the doll thought that it should look like some sort of troll serial killer, other than absolute contempt for the project they were working on. I mean, you should have pride in your work whatever you do, but I suppose if you’re going to toss that principle, you might as well shoot it into the sun at the tip of a nuclear rocket, right?

Bill Condon, director of Twilight 4 Part 2: At Least The Fucking Thing is Over dubbed the creation “Chuckesmee” and had this to say:

“Chuckesmee was a giant misfire on all fronts. Truly, it was one of the most grotesque things I’ve ever seen. It was a horror show! There was one shot where I call, ‘Cut!’ and suddenly she turns her head and mechanically stares right into the camera. It was incredibly disturbing.”

And here, just for you, is her in all her video glory:

Oh god, the fingers, the tiny little fingers, clutching, grasping. This isn’t uncanny valley territory. This abomination isn’t creepy because she’s almost human, she’s creepy because she’s torn from the cold bosom of the darkness beyond the universe.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Strand

    Here I thought the fake baby dolls they sold on the Bradford Exchange were creepy. We all know that no-one hates Twilight more than R-Patz, but I've long suspected that everyone else who made these movies harboured nothing but complete contempt for the fanbase. It's amusing to see the cast and crew take a healthy shit all over the franchise and the fans don't even know it.

  • Danar the Barbarian

    I had to scroll quickly past the header pic without meeting that thing's stare. There's no way I'm watching it move and talk and grasp and peer through the dark, looking up from the floor, watching me as I sleep. FUUUUUUCKKK THAT.

  • Andreina Baiano

    The final output wasn't creepy at all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • bleujayone

    Doesn't Chucksmee sound like a name of a long-lost pirate in Captain Hook's crew?

  • bastich

    The real tragedy is that Chuckesmee was a better actor than most of the cast.

  • AvaLehra

    Dear god, I hope the name Chuckesmee takes off and becomes a hipster name.

  • Yocean

    Holly fuckin chuck stormed horror fetus!

  • lowercase_see


    That is the highlight of my day, if it's any indication of how my day is going.

  • ViciousTrollop

    It looks like baby Amanda Seyfried.

  • Ryan Ambrose

    It still displays more facial expressions than Kristen Stewart.

    Sorry, but someone had to do it.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    "We're sorry. We're no longer able to display this video."

    Thank the gods!

  • SVR

    I can't be the only horrible person who looked at that doll and thought it had a passing resemblance to Amanda Seyfried, right?

  • manting

    spot on

  • Art3mis

    Now I'm imagining Twilight as a full-on horror series (instead of an unintentional one). Young girl moves to a new town where a beautiful, strangely cold dude starts stalking her, her best friend turns out to be a killer wolf, and she is eventually brainwashed into having a devil baby that kills her, causing her to become a vampire, and the child is sold off into betrothal to the wolves to cement an unholy alliance.

    ...is it wrong that I actually think that sounds kind of great?

  • AvaLehra
  • DarthCorleone


  • DarthCorleone

    So what did they end up using in the movie? A real baby?

  • http://youtu.be/bgI_oMMIU0E

    CGI. It wasn't exactly LESS creepy.


    My favorite part is how KStew's face didn't change expression ONCE. Not for half a second! It's the same face all the time, it's amazing!

  • ellie

    This joke's getting a little old, isn't it..

  • Not really a joke if it's the truth.

  • frank247

    When KStew starts using facial expressions, we'll stop making jokes about her wooden countenance.

  • ellie

    Have you seen any of her movies besides Twilight? Speak? Welcome to the Rileys? The Runaways?
    And yeah, I'd say she looks expressionless/miserable in paparazzi shots because she doesn't enjoy the intrusive cameras in her face.
    Not trying to start anything, just annoyed at this years-old argument which came about from a movie franchise in which the character she plays really has no character about her.

  • Also I was commenting specifically on the video, like most of us are. I haven't seen her other movies because frankly my dear, I don't give a fuck, but hey, I'll take your word for it that she's not as bitch-faced and wooden as she is in this snippet.

  • space_oddity

    what the fuckity fuck. that is even creepier. why cgi or animatronic when you can use a real baby?

  • Strand

    I'm embarrassed to know this... but in the book, the baby is meant to be an extremely intelligent super baby (think Alia Atreides) but also physically matures extra fast (to sidestep Jacob being a technical paedophile). So it's meant to be a really creepy baby, which the director decided must mean CGI copy-pasting a kid's face on an animatronic baby. /peaceout

  • DarthCorleone

    "The growth rate is unprecedented!"

  • DarthCorleone

    Thank you for the laughs.

    Favorite bits:

    "It is an absolute mystery why the designers of the doll thought that it should look like some sort of troll serial killer..."

    "...suddenly she turns her head and mechanically stares right into the camera. It was incredibly disturbing.”

  • Maguita NYC

    Forget the fingers! Look at those eyes moving about, and the freaky double chin supporting that old-woman toddler's head. She could have been Benjamin Button's baby wife!

    And they say I have the freakiest doll pictures. *chills.

  • NateMan

    Yeah, that one's worse.

  • Maguita NYC

    You sound a bit pale... :D

  • pomeroy


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