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Stupid Google Chrome Ads Get Me Every Damn Time

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | September 11, 2012 | Comments ()


google_chrome__jess_time.jpeg

Here's the latest in a series of Google Chrome ads designed to empty your tear ducts. It's not as effective as this ad, which will basically tear your soul in two, but it does the trick.

Stop praying upon parent's affection for their children, damnit!

"Don't be evil," my ass.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • You guys are getting weepy over this? Seriously? I even checked out the one you linked to but that was 'meh' too. Crikey you Americans are soppy. Harden up!

  • BierceAmbrose

    You just know there's some uber-nerd with no voice inflection sitting in a Dr. Evil meeting room going over biometric response data gathered from 10,000,000 hijacked webcam videos of people watching these commercials.

    "So, the a/b comparison shows a 3% warmer color palate generates 0.002% more chrome conversions. Let's go with that."

  • ellcoolj

    When I first opened this in my Chrome browser, the video didn't open...

  • David Sorenson

    Y'see. It's emotionally manipulative ads like that that teach me I'm better off not having emotions at all. At least that's what I tell my loved ones when I'm emotionally distant to them.

    I figure in another ten years, I can sue google for causing all of my emotional problems and finally have enough money to build a mansion sized inflatable bouncy house. As an added bonus, I'll have no friends or loved ones so I'll have the entire place to myself. My childhood dream come true.

  • laylaness

    I just saw this one last night and was like, OMG WHY DOES NOTHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • Maguita NYC

    Gag. That cheese is spread on a bit too thick, No?
    Yes, I am missing the "other-people's-lovey-dovey-overdone-fromage-gets-me-emotional" gene as well.

  • Wow. I'm starting to feel bad that neither of these reduced me to a blubbery mess. Sweet. Touching. Yeah...no waterworks. *shrugs*

  • TK

    Dirty fucking pool, DR.

  • gunnertec

    what a goddamn helicopter parent. get lost, buddy. boyfriend's moving in!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    *preying*

    (runs away)

  • Oh, low blow Google, throwing the dead mom in there at the 40 second mark. (I assume she's dead, not appearing in the video chats and all.) Gah.

  • Pookie

    If she only knew how much money she could make with that webcam.

  • stardust

    You are *such* a jerk, Dustin. I'll just be over here, fixing my eye makeup.

  • lille

    It's not taking much to make me break down in tears today so DAMN YOU for this as an added incentive! I want to go pull my children out of school and hug them now. Dammit.

  • Maguita NYC

    Do it!

  • Maguita NYC

    Dammit, I miss my dad.

  • satansatansatan

    isn't there a scene in "dumb and dumber" where harry or lloyd are crying over some at&t commercial?

  • demondoll

    aw HELL, Google. Something's in my eye

  • I walked my mom to the gate, and we sat at a table sharing a bag of pretzels and a coke--on August 26, 2001 we could still do that. When they called her row she gave me a big hug and said, "You can do this, kid." I made it out of the airport, and to my car before breaking down in tears. Could I do it? Could I handle college 1,500 miles away from my mom? I really didn't think I could. Two weeks later a bunch of nut jobs hijacked some planes and changed the world. I was even less sure I could handle being that far away from the only source of comfort and reassurance I had ever known. I wanted to go home. "Fuck it," I thought. "If the world's ending, I want to be with my mom." She didn't let me come home. We must've spent half a day on the phone every day for the next week--but I didn't go home. And, it turned out to be one of the best decisions she ever made for me. This commercial? It's not what I was going through as a college freshman back in 2001, but it's everything I felt. Crying like a BABY--thanks Rowles!

  • NateMan

    Excellent tale, and I'm glad it worked out for you.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Cute, but I still won't use that piece of crap browser.

  • Gnaius

    Why don't you like it? It works so much better than IE and Firefox for me...

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Two things:
    1. I don't have as much control over add-ons like I have in Firefox or Opera.

    2. It phones home.

  • Me either, but I love their ads.

  • JoannaRobinson

    DAMMIT, ROWLES.

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