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Ranking the Hilarious Bill Hader Volkswagen Car Commercials (And Ruminating About the Beautiful Nerd Goddess Within)

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Videos | Comments (22)

volkhader.jpg

Because Volkswagen is a decent car manufacturer that excels in making the perfect automobile for hipsters who decide to go to law school, they’ve made the brilliant decision to hire “Saturday Night Live’s” Bill Hader to be their pitchman. And they’re getting their money’s worth out of the man with six mostly hilarious commercials.

I’ve embarked on the task of ranking them because, frankly, that’s what I do, so cram it. My suggestion to you is to watch maybe the top two. I wouldn’t watch all six because, combined, they’re around 20 minutes long and, after awhile, you start dreaming of the life you might lead with the pitchwoman, Danielle, the kind of family you might have, and the beautiful bespectacled children you could produce, and the long rides you’d take out into the country in your gorgeous new Volkswagen.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have stalking to do.


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Comments

I'm now going to try and integrate the exclamation "Leather book on a desk!" into my everyday jargon now that I've been able to successfully use "Son of a nutcracker!"

Posted by: Roisin at January 6, 2011 11:50 AM

Not sure if "Leather book on a desk!" comes after "Hot pot of coffee!" on my list of exclamations.

Posted by: OldSchool60 at January 6, 2011 12:00 PM

Touareg is another stupid name (how the hell do you pronounce that anyway? And I don't care what it means, if anything, in German) that makes me believe car manufacturers should turn to previously unexplored word categories to name cars, such as illegal and prescription drugs.

Honda Heroin
Chevy Crack
Mazda Meth
Volkswagen Valium

Feel free to add others.

Posted by: , at January 6, 2011 12:01 PM

No offense (which usually means you'll take offense) but doesn't your dream woman sound a little bit like miley cyrus?

Posted by: Marc at January 6, 2011 12:15 PM

My sincere congratulations Dustin. You've hit the big time. No more begging for scraps from Google ads when you get Volkswagon as a client.

P.S. comma, Touareg isn't a German word. It's the name of a tribe in Northern Africa.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 6, 2011 12:16 PM

Anyone know where they pulled that surf music from?

Posted by: Machine at January 6, 2011 12:23 PM

Touareg is another stupid name (how the hell do you pronounce that anyway?

I've heard it pronounced "TWA-rig" on commercials. I think they are referencing "touring" and the nomadic trice of Tuareg peoples in Africa. Stupid car naming people.

I have been known to fly into lengthy, spittle-flying diatribes when I see a Nissan Murano on the road. Stupid car name. What genius came up with this? Do they research at all? They must have named it that because it has big glass windows, because Murano, Italy (that place with all the pretty glass factories?) that lovely little bucolic island community outside of Venice? Oh yeah, it has no cars. Brilliant.

Posted by: thatstrangewoman at January 6, 2011 12:23 PM

The Touareg are the nomadic inhabitants of Saharan north Africa. The members of the band Tinariwen are Touareg.

Posted by: alone in the dark at January 6, 2011 12:23 PM

I believe Brits would pronounce it "Toerag".

Posted by: Groundloop at January 6, 2011 12:51 PM

Where are the hilarious ones?

The touch-screen 3D navigation screen is a shot of Vancouver, if anyone is interested.

Posted by: Brenton at January 6, 2011 1:02 PM

My dog hates auto-tune. Seriously hates it. He cries and howls whenever he hears it. He cried a lot during #2.

Posted by: sommer at January 6, 2011 1:11 PM

That chick is annoying as hell and should be shot for wearing a jumper after the age of 12.

Posted by: Cindy at January 6, 2011 1:56 PM

-Chevy Chase's Crack

Posted by: bleujayone at January 6, 2011 2:03 PM

"after awhile, you start dreaming of the life you might lead with the pitchwoman, Danielle, the kind of family you might have, and the beautiful bespectacled children you could produce, and the long rides you’d take out into the country in your gorgeous new Volkswagen."

Holy crap, you weren't kidding. I'm in love. Soooo in love.

Posted by: Rob at January 6, 2011 2:10 PM

Where the hell are these being aired? Is Volkswagen really going to pay for 3 minute ad spots?

Posted by: Paultera at January 6, 2011 6:26 PM

Volkswagen Valium - "The Soothing SUV." Guaranteed to get you there relaxed.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 6, 2011 6:55 PM

I need to buy a Touareg *now* because I have to find out how the hell you get more legroom by reclining.

Posted by: Rooks at January 6, 2011 8:01 PM

These... blew. At least, the 40 seconds combined of the "top" 2 blew.

Posted by: SaBrina at January 6, 2011 10:23 PM

What an annoying prick (Bill Hader, not Dustin. Although...)

Posted by: Uriah Creep at January 6, 2011 10:48 PM


The only people I know who own VWs are very young and (now) broke from the constant repairs.

Seriously, cars with 20K miles needing brakes, water pumps?

The turbo versions are good for the first 40K, then you might as well torch them for the insurance money.

Posted by: Tard at January 7, 2011 8:58 AM

I've heard nothing but bad things about buying VWs these days.

I like Bill Hader, but I find these ads annoying. Besides, nothing beats the Tony Hale ads, especially after the self parody on Arrested Development.

Posted by: Uda at January 7, 2011 12:09 PM

I do not think "hilarious" means what you think it means.

Posted by: Hayden Tompkins at January 7, 2011 10:10 PM