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Love Is A Beautiful Thing

By Miscellaneous | Videos | February 11, 2011 |

By Miscellaneous | Videos | February 11, 2011 |


Let's face it, Pajibans are a socially awkward lot. Like all geeks, we think about sex a great deal, but our general misanthropy and disdain for humanity makes interpersonal relationships difficult.

But Valentine's Day is coming up and no doubt that harpy/twerp who lets you rub his and/or dangly bits is going to insist on getting some attention in exchange for a little snu-snu. Yes, you'd rather get oral sex while drinking and watching "Venture Bros." reruns, but love is a battlefield, my friend, and it's time for you to draw up a plan of attack.

Fortunately, Pajiba stands ready to help you mimic real human emotions. When it comes to seduction, we don't mess around. We go to that interstellar cocksman, Zapp Branigan. If Zapp's advice can't get you're lover's dong up or her panties down, then you, sir and/or madam, are screwing a corpse. (You're on your own if you're in a relationship with a man who wears panties.)

Bam!

By now, your lover should be feeling that itch that only you can scratch. Now it's time to put on some mood music. It's time to let your lover know that it is time to knock the bottom out.

But you can't leave this shit to chance and your weird collection of teen pop, goth and queefcore just won't seal the deal. No. Leave this shit to a professional. Leave it to Go Go Club Riddim.

Beautiful. It brings a tear to me eye it does.

If I can talk to the fellas for a minute, we know that sometimes the "little soldier" doesn't "salute the flag." It happens to everyone. Well, not to me. Fuck that dumb shit. But if it happens to YOU, we got you covered.

Are we a full-service website or what?

Jason Harris is probably going to have a shitty Valentine's Day, but he's going to do his best to spread the misery around.



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