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Lavish Celebrity Weddings Continue to Get Out of Hand: Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell Edition

By Dustin Rowles | Videos | October 29, 2013 | Comments ()


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Last night on Kimmel, in addition to bad-mouthing his housekeeper who keeps breaking vacuum cleaners, ripping off Costco, and being a total diva by asking a random NBC employee to get him a pair of Converse All Stars, Shepard spoke of the insane wedding that he and Kristen Bell threw two weeks ago. The two went to the courthouse in Beverly Hills (or what we in the rest of America call Fancy Town) and put their wedding on the TAXPAYERS DIME.

How much did their extravagant event cost? $142, including gas.

OUTRAGEOUS.

Un-f*cking-believable. Do you know how man dinners a family of five on a road trip could buy at Burger King with that? (Four, actually. It’s more expensive than you think, and a terrible value, at that). $142 in this economy goes a long way. You could almost get two Amazon Prime subscriptions, and that’s a lot of free shipping for needy people that need it. I know that Bell and Shepard are big animal right’s activists, and for $142, they could probably get a dog half-neutered (they may need to launch a Kickstarter to get the other testicle removed). For $142, you could probably pay a homeless guy to to send his regrets for not being able to make it to Justin Timberlake’s wedding. Jay-Z and Beyonce could’ve added 10 extra orchids to the 50,000 they flew in for their wedding. Think of the little people, Dax.

This is the wedding cake that Dax and Kristen’s friends made, presumably because they’d busted their budget and had no money left for cake.

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Agreed. Definitely the worst wedding. You can’t spend your way into your wife’s heart, Dax. $142 might afford you a pair of Converse sneakers, but they will not buy you true love.

I bet they even went to Starbucks afterwards and bought THE VENTIS. Jesus, America really is the land of waste.

Here’s the interview, in three parts.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • e jerry powell

    That is some shit-eating grin The Shepster's got up there. It's almost Ryan Reynolds-worthy.

  • Mrs. Julien

    To be fair these are the same people who rentedasloth for a birthday party. They are not without extravagance.

  • apsutter

    Yea but if you could rent a sloth for your birthday why wouldn't you do it? If I could rent a red panda and snuggle it for a day I'd pay anything they asked! lol

  • Pepper Sparkles

    Dax Sheppard frightens me

  • So back in the mid-80s, my dad, after reading several months worth of Progressive Farmer magazine decided that he was a real farmer and thus was going to save money by doing our soon-to-be-steer's castration himself. I can only imagine my dad, armed with a case of jumbo rubber bands, whistling his way out to the barnyard on a frosty morning, wrestling our calf Pokey to the ground, and snapping two rubber bands around his Balzacs.

    Due to a series of unfortunate events, one of the rubber bands broke during a cold snap (Ha!) leaving the job only half finished. Pokey was never quite the same after that.

    This really has little to do with anything...other than the whole $142 half-neutering reference. Still, my therapist says it's healthy that I share these thoughts instead of keeping them in.

  • I have the strangest fascination with Dax Shepard's face. At first I thought it was because I kept waiting to see Zach Braff's face under there, but I now realise that that's not it at all.
    It's because I don't understand it. The man's face completely eludes me. I have no other way to put it. It's not an insult; his face just completely eludes my understanding. I try and get a handle on it, a grip, anything at all, but to no avail. His face, it flits around just to the left of everything; it's there, on the precipice of darkness, moving, but I can't shine a light on it. It's a rustle behind me that I'm immediately unsure I heard. It's a rush of wind down a mountainside. Faced with this face, I know nothing.
    And it's only a Tuesday.

  • VohaulsRevenge

    "I like money."

  • Mrs. Julien

    We got married before Traffic Court at the local police station. I bought my flowers at the grocery store. We only knew one person in town, so one of our witnesses was a stranger. Then we had the worst Chinese food in the world and ate a pint of ice cream.

    We had a wedding 8 months later. It's so much more relaxing when you know the groom is already stuck with you and has to show up.

  • kirivinokur

    I kind of love it, but also kind of think this will only feed fan delusions that they can so totally be friends with celebrities if they only got to know us because we have so much in common with them.

  • fan delusions are also fed by celebrities who insist on telling us every goddamned thing they're doing!

  • emmalita

    Cudos to the couple for having the wedding they wanted to have.

  • Three_nineteen

    Did he and Kimmel have a hugging contest also? I saw 5 seconds of the show.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Celebrities, They're So Not Just Like Us, No, Shut Up, I Don't Wanna Hear It.

  • WhoDeyKY

    Take note Kim and Kanye. (haha JK, Kanye claims there will be fighter jets at their nuptials).

  • Joe Grunenwald

    Kim and Kanye will be in separate fighter jets during the ceremony, and then, when the minister or officiant or whatever says they can kiss, they'll fire missiles at each other, destroying the planes. Don't worry, though, they'll eject in time, and as they float down to earth on parachutes of love, they'll have totally badass mid-air sex for all of their guests to see. It's going to be the best wedding of all time. OF ALL TIME.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Brilliant. I bet they hire Jeffrey Osborne to parachute next to them and sing ...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • emmalita

    I'm fairly certain that K&K having sex in mid-air is one of the signs of the apocalypse. Please stop bringing on the apocalypse.

  • WhoDeyKY

    my head...it just exploded. that was incredible. you have "wedding coordinator to the stars" written all over you.

  • King Push

    awesome, yeezy always keeps us guessing

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