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Khan In Sixty Seconds

By | Posted Under Videos | Comments (25)

Star_Trek_2a.jpg

I don’t believe that there can be any debate regarding the question, “Is The Wrath of Khan the greatest Star Trek movie ever made?” The undeniable and indelible truth is simply, “Yes.” I would argue that it even surpasses the updated J.J. Abrams vehicle with all of its flash and CGI and young, firm actressinors. Indeed one can’t help but become enraged and attempt to perform exquisite violence on a person should they dare try to deny the truth of the matter. I defy any of you to make a conclusive argument that will debase what I have just stated as fact. Actually, even if you do manage to make that argument, go fuck yourself and get a life, nerd.

Yes, it’s the Chrysler Cordoba of the Star Trek franchise. Swaddled in rich Corinthian leather and cruising down a mountain road as if suspended on a cloud of condensed Ricardo Montalban. It’s got everything that a man could want condensed into a small and dynamic package. The soothing purr of Ricardo’s voice as I glide through every chewy scene assures me of both its comfort and its quality. I suppose I should mention that it can also be condensed into 60 seconds of cardboard animation.

That fucking cardboard earwig is still freaking me out.

Bonus: The greatest car commercial ever created.


Source: Topless Robot










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Comments

I'll just get this out of the way:

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!


/there's no way he could have known Checkov.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 8:10 PM

"He tasks me! He tasks me, and I shall have him! I'll chase him round the Moons of Nibia, and round the Antares Maelstrom, and round perdition's flames before I give him up! Prepare to alter course!"

Ladies, I give you William Shatner, the Great White Whale of Love: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W2tpdc1cUc

Posted by: Wintermute at February 15, 2011 8:27 PM

"You are in a position to demand *nothing*. I, on the other hand, am in a position to *grant* nothing"

And I tell you somethin' right now, that was the best set of manboobs.... EVER.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 8:36 PM

"I would argue that it even surpasses the updated J.J. Abrams vehicle with all of its flash and CGI and young, firm actressinors. Indeed one can’t help but become enraged and attempt to perform exquisite violence on a person should they dare try to deny the truth of the matter. I defy any of you to make a conclusive argument that will debase what I have just stated as fact."


AND THIS! this statement makes Robert Scott a, dare I say it? GOD, the rest of you scumbag reviewers need to kill yourselves immediately, (TK, you first).

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 8:48 PM

JJ ABRAMS STAR TREK 4EVAH!

*leaves flaming bag of poop on Slim's doorstep, runs*

Posted by: Figgy at February 15, 2011 8:58 PM

YEAH! YEAH! you better run HEY! I know your parents missy!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 9:01 PM

"I would argue that it even surpasses the updated J.J. Abrams vehicle"

I'm confused, because you say that as if its an accomplishment. Last time I checked the J.J. Abrams movie was a pretty but soulless, incoherent shit-storm. Has Abrams gone back in time in a way that could only be described as absurd and contrived and changed the plot?

Posted by: elgarcon at February 15, 2011 9:01 PM

Posted by: elgarcon at February 15, 2011 9:01 PM

Hi, nice to meet you, my name is Slim some people like to call me Bslim. Would you be interested in a cronie position in my organization?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 9:07 PM

This Abrams reboot versus The Wrath of Kahn debate is all well and good, and the cardboard animation made both my inner and outer childrens giggle, but that commercial is pretty fucking frightening. A 1975 Chrysler Cordoba land yacht coupe on a twisty mountain road being driven by a guy with a head full of beer is just a recipe for flaming wreckage tumbling down a cliff disaster.

That was the Dos Equis man wasn't it?

Posted by: Groundloop at February 15, 2011 9:11 PM

I think NERD that people NERD in glass NERD houses should not NERD throw stones NERD at other NERD houses with traces NERD of webbing NERD in the masonry BARBADO.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 15, 2011 9:13 PM

Fine Corinthian leather, classic.

Montalban also did a memorable Colombo episode, played a testosterone infused Hacienda owner/bullfighter.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 9:17 PM

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at February 15, 2011 9:13 PM

It's like, I'm trying to figure out what you're trying to say but all I'm getting is static.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 9:21 PM

Is it too nerdy or just too pedantic to note that you misspelled Khan not once, but twice within the title and first sentence?

Other than that I must agree with your premise and your choice of image atop this article.

Posted by: jmd at February 15, 2011 9:33 PM

Unless there's a joke or other reference I'm missing in which case I turn in my nerd cred at the door...

Posted by: jmd at February 15, 2011 9:34 PM

No, it's not an inside joke or a mistake on the part of the reviewer, it's the shitty site coding, blame one Dustin Rowles aka JJ Abrams' Weekend Trick.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 9:39 PM

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 9:07 PM

Sorry, I'm very committed to my life as a drifter.

Posted by: elgarcon at February 15, 2011 10:18 PM

"I would argue that it even surpasses the updated J.J. Abrams vehicle"

ANYONE who thinks Abrams' Star Trek in any way touches Wrath of Khan is someone I never want to meet.

And let me just add:

"To the last, I will grapple with thee! From Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee! "

Posted by: Fredo at February 15, 2011 10:20 PM

Sorry, I'm very committed to my life as a drifter.
Posted by: elgarcon at February 15, 2011 10:18 PM


You gotta go where your heart tells ya, I can understand that. For what it's worth, I hate see you go. You'll always have a place here if things don't work out, son.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 10:34 PM

Sorry, cardboard cutouts, but bunnies are better:

http://www.angryalien.com/aa/wrathofkhanbuns.asp

Posted by: Three-nineteen at February 15, 2011 11:15 PM

Very well said, sir.

However, I also take exception to your word choice of it "even surpasses" with regard to the new Star Trek. That makes it sound like it's a close contest. It's not. Fun movie and all, but not even close.

David Marcus: Lieutenant Saavik was right: You never have faced death.
Kirk: No. Not like this. I haven't faced death. I've cheated death. I've tricked my way out of death and patted myself on the back for my ingenuity. I know nothing.
David Marcus: You knew enough to tell Saavik that how we face death is at least as important as how we face life.
Kirk: Just words.
David Marcus: But good words. That's where ideas begin. Maybe you should listen to them. I was wrong about you. And I'm sorry.
Kirk: Is that what you came here to say?
David Marcus: Mainly. And also that I'm proud - very proud - to be your son.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at February 15, 2011 11:30 PM

Amen

*wipes tear*

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2011 11:33 PM

Three-nineteen, beat me to the post. Better AND faster.

Posted by: LwoodPDowd at February 15, 2011 11:47 PM

Confession: I just love all the eye candy in the new Star Trek. So many pretty, pretty men.

I'm shallow.

Posted by: Figgy at February 16, 2011 1:47 AM

I always preferred Voyage Home slightly more if only because it hews more closely to shows spirit. Or at least the spirit of my favourite episodes.

Actually, I guess Khan works better as a movie (louder, bigger, better than the show), but I like the self referential Voyage Home better. Plus it was the first of the films I saw way back in grade school.

Posted by: headmonkeys at February 16, 2011 9:57 AM

I'm not even a big Star Trek guy, and it's the best funeral sequence ever. ever.

Posted by: e at February 16, 2011 12:10 PM