Here's The Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart" Rap Remake For You to Subject All Your Enemies To
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Here’s The Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart” Rap Remake For You to Subject All Your Enemies To

By Rebecca Pahle | Videos | February 12, 2014 | Comments ()

achy breaky 2.png

There’s a spaceship? And alien ladies dressed in electrical tape? And lots and lots of twerking, naturally. And a camera careening wildly around in circles, as if it, too, finds itself caught in a vortex of fear, unwilling to accept that it must remain in this atrocious music video for even a second longer. It must break free. We must all break free.


Rebecca has an achy breaky brain after watching this video.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • annie

    This is honestly the most horrific-sounding thing ever. Of course, my natural immediate reaction was to force other people to listen to it.

  • loo shag brolley

    Look, I know Bill Hicks is dead, but we can find another host for "Let's Hunt And Kill Billy Ray Cyrus?" I bet Netflix would pick it up.

  • bastich

    What's Doug Stanhope up to these days? He'd be perfect.

  • loo shag brolley

    If they're looking for a rating juggernaut, they could just book Miley herself. I can hear the tagline now:


  • loo shag brolley

    NO. NOT EVER. And if I'm anywhere in public and I hear one bloody bar of it, I'll rip out the sound system. A THOUSAND GALLONS OF NO.

  • Stephen Mercer

    Why? Why would you dirty the hollowed ground that Pajiba is to me (and so many others) with this .... garbage?

    Do you hate us now?


  • Fabius_Maximus

    "The video is not available in your country."

    I submit this as alternative:

  • e jerry powell

    I simply CANNOT.

  • bleujayone

    It's like he's trying really hard to morph into the odd brother that Snake Plissken's family never invites to Thanksgiving Dinner anymore.

  • NateMan

    An alien aircraft 'transcending' over something or other...? Is that right? It doesn't sound right.

    I think I'll stick to Gangstagrass.

  • foolsage

    "... seen transcending over Europe..."

    You're quite right. "Transcend" takes a direct object, not a prepositional one. You transcend something; you do not transcend to, over, from, about, around, under, or beside something.

    Words mean things. It disappointed me to see the revenant of Larry King mangling a perfectly good verb like that. Speaking of which, kudos to the embalmer.

  • Finance_Nerd

    Ugh... that was like an anal probe of my ears

  • Bert_McGurt

    Ok, so I haven't watched this yet but I was already perturbed by the fact that this "Buck 22" guy is (sort of) ripping off a much better artist's nom de plume (that artist being rapper/DJ/CBC Radio host/my friend Jeff's old roommate Buck 65). Then I found out that "Buck 22" is Dionne Warwick's son/Whitney Houston's cousin.

  • JustOP

    For a moment thought the header pic was Fat Mac from It's Always Sunny performing a rock concert. The reality hast left a bitter taste in mine mouth.

  • APOCooter

    If you had asked me three minutes and thirty-two seconds ago "Who would be responsibile for the cultural apex of human civilization?" I would not have answered "Billy Ray Cyrus."

    And I still won't.

  • Rob

    This is why we can't have nice things.

  • Al Borland's Beard

    A couple of things

    - If the first thing aliens came into contact with was Billy Ray Cyrus, there is no doubt they would destroy our planet as a result.

    - The line "Miley's always twerkin', daddy keeps workin'" followed by a shot of several scantily clad women twerking makes me ridiculously uncomfortable.

    - This one may be me thinking too much, but why did the kid turn into an adult and Billy Ray just changes into a sleeveless shirt?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Ew. I did not listen, and your second point on the list confirms my life choices.

    (I just came for the comments, which are proving worth it.)

  • Al Borland's Beard

    Wise choice.

  • TK

    I had previously said some nice things about you, and I am going to take them back.

  • bastich

    Aren't y'all supposed to the haze the new writers, not vice versa?!?

  • TK
  • luthien26

    Hard proof the apocalypse is nigh. REPENT!

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